Disastrous Mayhem
by VIP86
Summary: [COMPLETED]Extreme heartache has arrived for James and Lily as they attempt to have a friendship but end up wanting so much more. Do they get what they want? 7TH Year. Please R&R.
1. Default Chapter

Authors Note: I do not own any of the characters present in my story that have appeared in the official, JK Rowling, Harry Potter novels.

Six years can be an awfully long time. Unfortunately, that time had flown by and the 7th year for Hogwarts eldest students was about to commence. About to return from their lengthy summers, the students were coming to the end of their witches and wizards training at the school. Whether those summers were spent abroad or at home the students now faced a year of life changing exams, hectic schedules, family pressures and the usual hormonal changes that came with being teenagers. Subsequent problems were inevitable.

For one particular girl and boy this year would affect them in more ways than they could possibly imagine. She, a muggle born, felt the need to succeed in the wizarding world to prove to herself and to all the 'stuck up' pure bloods that she was just as worthy as them to be called a witch. As the cleverest girl in school she was doing pretty well so far.

He, on the other hand, felt a similar pressure to succeed but for different reasons. His pressure had developed due to the long line of a pure blood family, a success story, that he was now the heir of. Believing that the responsibility to continue this line is his, he now feels that if he wants to have any hope of keeping the family name respected he must become a great wizard. About to be thrown together by a joining of responsibility and ambition, disastrous mayhem was about to ensue.


	2. New Responsibilities

_New Responsibilities_

Lily Evans was a very attractive red-headed girl but she was never one to draw attention to the fact that most of the male population at Hogwarts was obsessed with her. She preferred to believe that she was popular purely because of the good example she set as one of its top students. With large, round and bright emerald eyes that were often described by many as star catchers, and the fairest skin, Lily was the essence of a natural beauty.

"Bye Mum. Bye Dad. I'll miss you so much," Lily shouted from the edge of Platform 9 ¾ as she boarded the Hogwarts Express, "I'll see you at Christmas."

"Bye honey," her mother struggled to reply through her muffled sobs. At which stage Mr Evans took charge and shouted back to Lily, "We love you. Take care of yourself."

"I will," Lily responded through an open window as the train began to move.

She headed to a small compartment towards the end of the train to greet her best friends. Jessica was two inches taller then Lily, standing at 5'8". She had mid-length blond waves piled onto her head and the biggest blue eyes imaginable. Unlike Lily, she preferred to play Quidditch (the famous wizard sport) and studied only when necessary. Lily, in contrast, was often found in the school library completing extra credit work that never needed to be done. Rachel, the third member of the trio, was two inches shorter than Lily at 5'4". She had long, straight brown hair and green eyes, though not as bright as Lily's. Like Lily she liked to study and do well in class, but like Jess she liked to have an equal amount of fun.

Tapping on the door to announce her arrival, Lily waited for the two girls to respond. Almost immediately the girls had turned, ran towards the door of the compartment, slid it open and grabbed Lily in the biggest hug. Lily felt more like she was in a Rugby scrum.

"Her Lils," Jess shouted. "We have missed you so much."

"Yeah, I've missed you too."

Rachel piped up at this point, "Lily. You have got to see this."

"Oh, no!" Lily's mouth dropped so far open that she was afraid it might hit the floor. Quickly, she shut it, and continued to read the article in front of her. "Poor Clara."

"I know," Rachel said, "that's the third attack on muggles this summer. I don't even want to imagine what it must feel like to lose your parents. Maybe we should do something for her."

"It must be awful for her," mumbled Jess.

The girls remained in silence for a few minutes thinking about Cara and what they could do to help her. She was a fifth year Hufflepuff at Hogwarts who wasn't very popular and was continually bullied by the Slytherins who hated her for three main reasons.

Cara was muggle born or as the Slytherins called her, a mud-blood.

She was in Hufflepuff, the most laughed at of the school houses as it was said to be the place for those who weren't good enough for Gryffindor, Ravenclaw or Slytherin.

She was just so naive

Basically, she was an EASY TARGET.

"Oh, but the way," Jess brought the girls back to consciousness, congratulations on getting head girl this year, it's really great."

"Yeah. Think of all the positive changes you'll make to the school," Rachel started.

"I'm not so sure Rach, but I'll do my best. Anyway, that reminds me. I've got to go to the heads compartment to meet the new head boy."

"Good luck," Jess said with a hint of amusement in her tone but still being sincere.

Lily began to feel a little suspicious. Was she missing something?

"Seya later Lil," Rach finished.

"Bye." And Lily left.

* * *

'I can't believe he isn't here yet. Who could it be?' Lily thought after sitting alone for ten minutes. She had already found time to eat two chocolate frogs (she had to watch her figure), change into her school robes and plan a full itinerary of the duties for the new school prefects, whom she and the head boy were now responsible for.

Just as she was about to doze off there was a loud crash outside the compartment door and Lily rushed into the corridor immediately. What she found really didn't surprise her.

"Sirius Black! What did you do to that poor girl?" Lily demanded.

"Don't get your knickers in a twist, Evans. I was just introducing myself," was his cocky reply.

"You call **that** introducing yourself? You nearly gave her a concussion. What did you give to her? Your special 'headache inducers'?"

"No. She asked for a sweet so I gave her one. She didn't say which one."

"And which one did you give her?" Lily tried to remain calm as she assessed the situation. The girl had luckily got up and embarrassed, returned to her compartment further up the train.

"One from Zonko's new range," Sirius answered," It's so cool. It makes the consumer violently shake before they are literally thrown back about five feet and then the effects are usually over. I was only testing it."

"On a twelve year old girl in the corridor of a train!"

"So. What are you going to do about it?" Sirius believed he was invincible.

Lily was really angry at this point. "As head girl it is my responsibility to look out for the welfare of ALL the other students. I've no choice but to take ten points from Gryffindor."

"Er, Evans?" Sirius challenged her, "Don't be so stupid! Firstly, why do you want to take points from your own house? And secondly, we're not even at school yet. There **are** no points to take."

2Well thanks to you, we'll just have to go into minus points!" Lily fired back. It was true that red-heads were renowned for their fiery tempers and Lily was no exception.

"Just, chill out Evans."

"What did you just..." but she was interrupted.

"I should have known it was you making that awful racket. You're so highly strung all of the time. Relax."

Lily's resolve had taken almost all that it could stand. She realised immediately who the voice belonged to. No one, and I mean no one, could get her as 'hot and bothered' as James Potter. Sure, they had a lot in common. I mean, they were both intelligent and had excellent grades but they went about things in different ways. They were just... OPPOSITES.

"Who asked you Potter?" She spat out his name as though it sickened her to even think it.

"No one. But no one needs to. It's part of my new responsibility to get involved and intervene."

Lily began to feel awkward and uncomfortable which led to a feeling of unease. After a long pause she asked almost at a whisper, "What kind of responsibility could you ever have?"

"Are you sure you want to know Evans?" James inquired with a flicker of a grin appearing on his, rather handsome, face.

"Yes." Lily struggled to remain patient.

James continued, "I tell you what. How about we make a deal? I tell you what my new responsibility is and you agree to go out with me."

"URGH!" Lily was infuriated and for good reason. For the past six years James Potter had asked her out, taunted her, nearly every time they bumped into one another. "How many times do I have to tell you? Is your skull too think to penetrate or your ego to large?"

James was really enjoying this. He loved her even more when she was angry and frustrated and he knew exactly how to make her that way, "I guess that's a no, huh?" He smiled. She hated it.

"Of course it's a **no** Potter! Now tell me what new responsibility you have."

"Evans, meet our new head boy," Sirius explained and then he burst out laughing.

James stood there looking extremely smug and pleased with himself whilst Lily just froze to the spot in a state of shock, her mouth hanging open for the second time that day. For James this year was going to be Heaven. For Lily it would be Hell.


	3. Rounds and Rows

_Rounds and Rows_

The first week passed without any major disasters but ever since the sorting ceremony, after James and Lily were announced as the new head boy and girl, Lily had found him unbearable. Maybe it was the way he tried to take control, or tell her how to do her job, or maybe the way he kept ruffling his hair to make it look scruffier, or was it that cocky grin? 'Oh'. She knew exactly what it was. It was the fact that he was James Potter- the rule breaker, the trouble maker and the most arrogant boy alive.

The work load was building up and Lily was on top of it all generally but she was struggling with Transfiguration a little, her least favourite subject, but only because she didn't understand it straight away. Of course, it had to be James' best subject. A fact that he often reminded her of. But two could play at that game. Lily's favourite subject was Charms which he detested. Whenever he chose to play the 'I'm better then you at Transfiguration' card during an argument she would just throw the 'I'm better at Charms' card right back.

Remarkably, there hadn't been that many arguments between the two of late and Lily couldn't help but notice a change in James, but she didn't know exactly what the difference was. And as she kept on telling herself, she really didn't care.

Sitting in her dorm room she looked around and tried to feel better about the situation. I mean, she was one lucky girl. Just looking around at the room she had to herself- the grand, four-poster, double bed, the red and gold silks, the fine furniture and the beautiful view from the window overlooking the lake- she realised her providence. She wondered if James' room was similar but quickly thought about something else, realising that focusing her thoughts on what was James' room was not a good idea.

* * *

James sat in the small common room he shared with Lily which separated their private dorms and en suites. He'd arrived back from his final class of the day only to pull up a chair and start his duties as head boy. There was the first prefects meeting to organise and he wanted to get a head start on the arrangements to prove to Lily, and himself, that he was capable of succeeding as head boy.

Lily had had enough of sitting alone. Her homework complete, she headed downstairs to the room she relied on to keep her and James at arms length.

"Oh no," Lily grumbled as she saw a figure huddled over a piece of parchment. "What are you up to now?"

"What do you mean, 'what am I up to'? Do I always have to be to no good?" James was a little cagey.

"Always," Lily replied immediately.

"If you must know," now was the time to impress her, "I'm organising the first prefects meeting for next week."

Lily was surprised but couldn't let James see that she was, well....a little impressed. "Yeah, right."

"What? I am. Here. Take a look." James couldn't believe how stubborn she was sometimes. "If you don't believe me, take a look," he urged.

"Fine." She snatched it off him and looked for a moment. You've spelt this wrong," she pointed out the word in question, "it's an 'e', not an 'I'."

James was confused. Did it really matter that he'd spelt something wrong? That was irrelevant. "Ok," he continued, "but what do you think of the **content**?"

Lily didn't want to let him know that what he'd planned was good, no....it was excellent. But she couldn't let him know that she was impressed. Instead she settled for, "its ok, I guess. When you've finished I'll take a look at it again and make some improvements."

"You will, will you?" James demanded. He was getting annoyed at her bossiness and the way that she wanted to control everything. The girl was hard working which he supposed was a good thing but she had to learn to let other people help her with some of the work. There was a time to stop and relax and as far as James was concerned, Lily didn't know about it.

"I'm only trying to be helpful. Excuse me for wanting the job done properly," Lily bellowed back.

"And I'm not doing the job properly?" He'd lost control and he knew it. How did she do this to him?

"That remains to be seen." The statement was blunt but delivered calmly. James got up and handed the parchment to Lily. Without a word he turned and left their common room. All Lily heard was the portrait door slamming.

* * *

"Relax. Just breathe in and out, in and out. That's it, good." Sirius was currently attempting to calm James down after he suddenly burst into the Gryffindor common room and had given them a full account of his earlier encounter with the resident red-headed beauty- at about sixty miles per hour.

They were sat around a table in the far corner of the room on four large, red armchairs. Remus and Peter, James and Sirius' two other best friends, were there too. Remus Lupin was the most sensitive of the bunch, with light brown hair and pale blue eyes. A lot of girls followed him around just waiting for him to say 'hi' because to them he was just so cute. In fact, out of the group, he was commonly known as the 'cute' one. Sirius was three inches taller than Remus standing at about 6'1". He had dark hair falling to his shoulders and dark eyes. His fan base was the biggest out of all the members of the group. Sirius was known as the 'sexy' one. James was taller still at 6'2" and was probably most like Sirius in appearance. He had hazel eyes, a handsome, youthful face and the same dark coloured hair as Sirius; only his was shorter and tended to grow outwards instead of downwards. He also had a pretty good physique due to all the Quidditch training he did. James was known as the 'smart' one and had a fan club almost as big as Sirius'. That left Peter. Unfortunately, Peter wasn't blessed with good lucks, charm, intelligence or bravery, not like the other three. He was known as the 'anomaly' or the 'abnormal' one. It was a mystery to everyone how Peter had ever become blessed with friends like he had, or how he had been sorted onto Gryffindor house. The one thing that Peter clearly did have was luck. They were the most popular group in the school. They were the 'Marauders'.

"Better?" Remus inquired after James as his breathing became more regular.

"Yes. Thanks guys," James stated sincerely.

"That's ok. Just stay away from Lily for a few hours," Remus insisted.

'Oh no! I have rounds with her tonight,' James thought. He expressed his fears to the group.

"Don't think about that yet. Just stop thinking about Evans, full stop," Sirius directed.

But he had tried. For six whole years he had tried but it was impossible. He was holding onto something. Illusion or reality he was still holding onto it. Hope.

"I'm so bored. What shall we do?" Peter squeaked.

"Pete, could you at least try to be a little more sympathetic?" Remus commanded.

"Sorry"

"Hey," Sirius jumped in, "I've just had the greatest idea. I know what we can do to stop you being so bored mate. And it'll cheer James up as well. Let's play a little prank," he concluded, "James, you can choose the victim. Or victims."

"Great. Er...erm...aha! Severus Snape and Lucius Malfoy," James decided.

A mixed reaction fell around the group. Sirius looked ecstatic about James' choices, Remus just rolled his eyes as though he was thinking 'not again' and Peter twitched nervously. Sirius was next to speck, "Great, let's go."

* * *

Snape and Malfoy were never hard to find. They were usually causing trouble, havoc or corrupting young girls somewhere. The Marauders found them in the castle grounds sending howlers to all of the Hufflepuffs which shouted things like 'I'm going to kill you', 'Watch out, you're next' and some just screamed down the recipient's ears.

"Now, now you two. That's no way to treat your fellow students, is it?" James inquired as they walked towards the two Slytherin boys.

"Potter," Malfoy sneered, "How nice of you to join us." Was that sarcasm James sensed? Most of Malfoy's comments were dripping with it. "Would you like one?" he asked with a hopeful look on his face.

James was here for a reason and the sooner they played the prank, the sooner he'd get away from his two worst enemies. "As if I'd ever take anything from you, Malfoy." There was no pleasantness in the way James said the name Malfoy.

"Ooooh," Malfoy taunted whilst Snape sniggered.

Sirius was getting tired of them already. "Hey Snivellus," he began addressing Snape, "have you changed your underpants yet? Because, you know, I hear you've got things nesting in there." The other boys cringed at the visual image created by Sirius' words.

Snape didn't stand for it. "Watch it Black. You know your mother thinks very highly of Lucius and I. Why, we're like the sons she never had."

"You....!"

James held Sirius back from pummelling his fists into Snape's sallow face. "Just wait for the right time," he whispered to Sirius.

"Oh, poor Black." Lucius joined Snape's teasing, "has she thrown you out of the house yet. You're a disgrace to you're family and a disgrace to the wizarding world. You may as well be a mud-blood. It would befit the filth that you are."

"Now!" James shouted at the top of his voice.

There were two blasts of blinding light, two piercing screams and it became clear that there were now two boys hanging in a tree by their underwear.

"You'll regret this Potter. Black," Lucius roared.

"You too Lupin, oh.....and Pettigrew," Snape yelled at the other two Marauders but with a certain lightness as Pettigrew's name rolled off his tongue.

"Threaten us again when your feet touch the ground. Up there you can't touch us," Sirius remarked. Oh revenge was always sweet, but this was something else. Something even better.

James smirked and said, "Incarcerous," with obvious respect for the spell, "it works every time."

Sirius mumbled," Oh how I hate Slytherins."

Peter overheard him and questioned, "But you come form a family of Slytherins, don't you?"

"Yeah, so? I hate my family."

* * *

The Marauders were now back in Gryffindor common room as the evening meal was over. James had relaxed a little. It was true that the prank had they'd pulled on Malfoy and Snape had lifted his spirits immensely but he still couldn't stop thinking about Lily.

Of course, they'd played much better pranks in their time at Hogwarts. One of the best had to be when they cast a spell on the house elves to make them take orders from them instead of Dumbledore, the schools head teacher. They really liked Dumbledore but the opportunity to have thousands of slaves for a short time was just too tempting. They arranged for the house elves to do a whole host of terrible things to the Slytherin common room and they made sure that school dinners consisted of only sweets, cake chocolate and fizzy drinks. Of course, Dumbledore soon put a stop to their prank by removing their hold over the house elves and preventing them form casting the spell again for the remainder of their time at Hogwarts.

Lily.

James wondered what she was doing now and tried to make out whether he was still angry at her. His feelings were so contrasting. Love and Hate. He decided that it was definitely possible to feel both at the same time and at this moment he did.

Sirius came down form the boys' dorm room with a pack of Exploding Snap. Remus and Peter were currently playing wizards' chess and half of Peter's pawns were being brutally attacked by Remus' knight.

"It's about time," James interrupted his own thoughts, "What took you so long?"

"I tripped over the pile of books I left on the floor," Sirius answered looking embarrassed.

James laughed, "I told you to pick them up."

"Ok, ok. Let's just play!"

It was barely two minutes before high pitched giggling could be heard at the entrance to the common room and then Rachel and Jess entered. Sirius immediately looked up and a grin broke out over his face. "And what are you two lovely ladies up to right now?"

"Nothing that concerns you, Black," Jess replied coolly.

"Aw, come on. Have a little fun with us," James said, "You don't want to turn into Lily do you?"

"Hey," Rachel said, "Stop insulting Lily. She does know how to have fun, you know. It's just that her fun usually involves doing quiet, relaxing things, not the usual chaotic things that you four are renowned for."

Sirius continued to address Jess, "Aw, are you too scared to take me on? I could beat you playing with just my King on the board."

A challenge was a challenge. Jess wasn't about to let it go. "Unlikely, very unlikely. Get ready to get your ass kicked," Jess threatened as she sat down, in the seat James had vacated, and rolled up her sleeves in preparation.

Rachel left Jess and Sirius. "Hi Remus, Peter, are you ok?"

"Uh huh," was Peter's brief reply.

"I'm good," Remus said, "How are you?"

"Great. Do you want a game afterward?" she asked him.

"Sure."

An hour passed and Sirius had won the first game but Jess beat him in the next three. Remus won the first two and Rachel won the last one.

Lily entered to find the four chess players packing away. Peter was staring around the room looking suitably bored and James had his head buried in a Quidditch tactics book.

'Eugh,' she thought, 'what does he see in that game? And what do Rach and Jess see in the Marauders? Hanging around with them is just asking for trouble.'

"Potter," she tried to get his attention but he didn't look up. Still nit decided whether he was going to stay angry with her he thought he'd ignore her to make her angry.

"James!" she shouted. "It's time to do rounds."

He slowly lifted his gaze to meet hers and saw her flustered cheeks. 'And yet she still looks beautiful'. The thought was in his head before he could stop it. He put the book down and simply replied, "Right." He then got up and walked towards the portrait door with Lily trailing behind.

If James didn't want to talk to her then that was fine. However, she needed to talk about the prefect meeting with him. Honestly. She never thought he'd care about anything that she had said. The only reason he liked her so much was because she was one of the few girls he couldn't have. At least that's what she told herself.

"The plan you made for the prefects meeting was good, by the way. I only had to make a few changes." Lily's attempt to get their working relationship back on track fell on deaf ears.

She tried again. "Do you want to take another look at it?"

James stopped walking. So Lily stopped to look at him. She looked up into his face. He was so tall. Under his intense gaze she started to feel uncomfortable so started shifting awkwardly. It was strange. He'd never had this affect on her before. Maybe the hurt that was evident in his eyes made her feel guilty.

"Just leave it Lily, ok? I don't need you to point out everything I do wrong. I've got my parents to do that."

"What? I wasn't trying to prove you wrong. I was just making sure everything was correct," she responded. Why did it affect her so much? She never really uses to care what James said to her, so why now?

"But **you** didn't have to," James explained, "**We** could have worked on it together. If you weren't so dismissive then this arrangement would work a lot better."

They'd made it to the entrance to the head's dorm and stood outside.

"I'm not dismissive," Lily denied. "You're so arrogant that you can't accept criticism."

"Oh, and you're perfect?"

"Of course not!" She couldn't believe he was being so ridiculous. Actually, she could believe it. Wasn't he always?

James couldn't believe he'd actually managed to offend her. So, he continued. "If you didn't isolate yourself form everyone all of the time you'd come to realise that there is a lot more to life that you've yet to experience. A lot of good stuff."

"Oh yeah," Lily asked in a mocking tone, "Like what?" Like she **really** cared.

"Like fun Lily. You know it does exist. How about friendship..."

"I have friends," Lily interrupted him.

"But you don't spend enough time with them to have proper friendships. Not like me ant the Marauders. Plus, there are only two people."

Lily remained silent and James took it as a invitation to continue. "You're missing out on leisure time, hobbies, games, laughter."

"Excuse me? I know how to laugh. Maybe you're just not funny enough to make me laugh," Lily was getting more and more frustrated with him. "Is there anything else that I'm missing out on, oh mighty one?" she mocked.

"Yes. One vital thing."

"And what's that?" Lily's voice betrayed her, revealing her hidden interest in what he had to say.

James paused, cautious of his movements. He stepped closer to her until his face was only five inches away form hers and he whispered, "Love."

Once the word escaped his lips, she recoiled like a snake. James turned, said the password 'feather quill' and entered the head dorms as the portrait of a rather busty woman swung open.

As the portrait door swung closed Lily screamed. "Argh." She hit the wall repeatedly, trying to relieve some of her frustration and tension.

"Don't take it out on me too young lady," the busty woman spoke. "I'm not sure the wall deserved that."

"I'm sorry," Lily whispered. But whether it was for hitting the wall, for shouting at James or because she was feeling sorry for herself, she didn't know. Maybe it was all three.

After a couple of minutes, checking the coast was clear of James, she headed up to bed. That was definitely enough rounds and rows for one day.


	4. Confessions and Confusion

Lily awoke to the sound of birds singing and a clear blue sky. 'Beautiful,' Lily thought. But too soon she remembered her argument with James the night before and cringed at the painful memory. She quickly got up and had a shower to help clear her head and relax her. The bathroom was absolutely gorgeous, with gold plated taps and stylish cream tiles covered with simple, but elegant patterns lining the edges. Once again, she found herself thinking how lucky she was. 'How could my problems with Potter ever make me unlucky?' she wondered.

How wrong she'd find herself to be.

Lily walked down to their shared common room, once dressed and ready for class, to find James traipsing around with only a hand towel draped around his waste, dripping wet.

"Oh," Lily gasped. She was quite taken aback. Not only had she never seen this much of a man exposed before but she had never seen a man with a physique like James Potters- muscular and well-toned. It was enough to shock any girl. It was becoming a habit for Lily's jaw to be hanging towards the floor. One that she tried to control, but sometimes it was just so difficult.

"What do you think you're doing?" she cried, exasperated.

"Looking for my school tie," was his honest reply.

"I meant why are you walking around half naked?"

James smirked. "Is it a problem, Miss Evans?" he questioned.

Lily blushed profusely, "YES!" she screamed. "It's just not acceptable behaviour. People might start to talk," she was clearly worried.

James was getting annoyed now. "Don't be like that again. It's not like we were doing anything...wrong."

She hated his tone. Blushing furiously she couldn't stand the fact that he'd had this affect on her. What made it worse was that he obviously knew it, if his cocky smirk was anything to go by.

He loved to see her nervous, even more than seeing her angry. Stepping closer to her he said, "Maybe one day, I'll be able to see you in a similar ensemble." With that, he gestured towards his lack of clothing.

Lily had had enough. "Right," she bellowed, "that's it. I can't live with you anymore. It's just too much. Eurgh!"

James was shocked to say the least. "It's always one thing after another with you Lily, isn't it? All you ever do is find something bad to complain about. What about the good things? They deserve equal attention!"

"There are no good things here James," Lily sounded hurt. If James had wounded her he knew not how. Wasn't she the one who decided to move out? He should be hurt. She continued, "As soon as possible I'll sort out with McGonagall new sleeping arrangements for the two of us."

James was silent. Eventually he simply sighed and said, "If that's what you really want."

"It **really** is."

* * *

It was nearing the end of lunch, and on the way back to the heads dorm to collect her Charms homework Lilly spotted Cara sat alone on a wall in the castle courtyard. It was too awful what Cara had already been through and Lily couldn't even imagine what it must be like to live with it everyday. Realising that she hadn't really spoken to Cara since her parents had been murdered, Lily decided to find out how she was. It was important that her approach didn't seem forced. The last thing she wanted was to remind Cara of her loss, ultimately making her feel worse.

"Hi Cara," Lily spoke, barely above a whisper. She didn't want to startle the girl. She was already fragile enough.

To say Lily had failed was an understatement. Cara was definitely shocked. It wasn't everyday that the head girl came to talk to her. In fact, it wasn't very often that anyone talked to her.

"Er...hi...Lily," Cara replied, clearly uncertain of the situation.

"Are you ok? I was worried about you sitting out here alone." Lily tried to tread carefully on unstable ground.

"Oh. I'm ok. Really. I was just thinking about things. It's nice to have some time alone. I'm fine by myself, honestly," Cara argued. She was definitely on edge.

Lily wasn't sure whether to believe her or not. "Well if you're sure you're alright I'll leave you alone. But if you ever need to talk, just come to me. I'm available almost all of the time and if, for some reason, I'm not, I'll make myself available."

"Thanks Lily," Cara replied, genuinely pleased.

Lily was just about to turn around and head back inside when she had an idea. "Hey Cara?" she inquired.

"Yes?" Cara responded when she realised that Lily hadn't left.

"Do you want to come to Hogsmeade with Rachel, Jess and I next weekend. You know, it might be good fun. We can go to Zonko's joke shop and than buy a few Butter beers. Are you up for it?" Lily asked.

"Erm...I don't think so Lily."

"Come on," Lily knew she was pushing it but she didn't want Cara to be depressed forever, "It'll help take your mind off...other things for a few hours. In my opinion, there is nothing better for stress, or whatever may be bothering a person, than a little retail therapy."

A short amount of time whilst Cara gave it some thought. "Ok. That will be nice," Cara said. Lily was glad to see that she'd managed to convince her.

"Excellent. Well, I'll see you later." And with that, Lily finally head back inside.

Ten seconds had barely passed when a voice came out of the shadows. "So you do have a heart after all."

Was it a question or a snide remark? Lily settled for a bit of both. "What do you want Potter?" she said, sighing into her speech.

James looked cocky as usual but there was something else in his eyes. Was it hurt? Annoyance? It was hard to tell. He decided to answer Lily's question with one of his own, "If you can be nice to Cara, why can't you be nice to me?"

"Not this...again." Lily couldn't believe he hadn't dropped this yet. "You've been a nuisance to society for at least six years James, that's why. Plus, Voldemort hasn't just murdered your parents!"

"But I've changed," James was really struggling to hide the desperation he was feeling as Lily started to walk away from him. He'd been in love with her for six years and he couldn't keep pining away, waiting for her love in return. It was tearing him up.

"No you've not!"

"I have and I can prove it." James was adamant. "Will you give me a chance?"

Lily was really annoyed at him, but she didn't want to hurt him, for some reason. "No," she put it bluntly. "I'm sorry."

"Why?"

"Simply because, I just don't trust you," she explained.

For once in his life, James Potter was lost for words. How could she not trust him? He was the most trustworthy person around, known by all for his unbreakable loyalty to his friends. Obviously all but Lily. How could she not know this about him? He prided himself on it.

Lily waited for a response, hoping for James' resignation from pursuing her but it never came. What happened was much more disturbing and painful to them both. She searched his face to find any hint of what he was thinking, but it was blank. His eyes, once again, gave him away. They had started watering. Initially Lily thought that he must have got some dust in them, to cause such a reaction; Just simple dust irritation. But he turned form her and walked away. Lily watched his back as he walked. Getting no response from James Potter was so unusual that she felt unnerved. Then she saw something that made her heart sink. James had raised his right arm to his face as if he was brushing something away. Something like tears, perhaps? Was he crying?

* * *

"So it's a full moon tonight my fellow Marauders," Sirius reminded.

"Yeah," Remus didn't seem too enthusiastic.

James caught on to his friends worry immediately and tried to calm him down, "Don't worry Moony, we've been doing this every month since fifth year. Nothing is going to go wrong."

"Yeah," Peter chipped in, "we won't let it. And if anything does go wrong we'll make sure that no one can link it to us."

"Wormtail's right, Moony," Sirius confirmed, "We'll go through the same drill that we do every month and have the best time doing it. I mean, it's not every wizard who can do what we can."

"What? Lead two completely different lives if we want to?" James added. "Run around the castle grounds whenever we want? Have the freedom to have fun?"

"Ok, ok. I get it. All your points are valid and I will take them into account as I attempt to cheer up."

The four were currently in the deserted Gryffindor common room after having left dinner in the great hall early. They did this once a month to plan for Remus' transformation into a werewolf. It had been James' idea for Sirius, Peter and he to become animagi- wizards capable of becoming a chosen animal at will. It had taken years of preparation after first discovering their best friend's condition, but in fifth year they had finally cracked it. It was illegal of course, as they weren't registered, but their friend was more important to them then legislation. James had chosen to become a stag developing the nickname Prongs, Sirius a black, shaggy dog, becoming Padfoot, and Peter a rat, adopting the name Wormtail. Remus, as a werewolf, had become Moony.

* * *

Lily had left dinner early to go and find James. It was so confusing. She was sure that finding James should be the last thing that she wanted to do, but it was the only thing. 'What's wrong with me?' she wondered, 'I shouldn't care, so why do I?' She'd been to see McGonagall about the heads dorms but it hadn't gone too well. Their head of house had simply told her they'd have to talk about it after breakfast tomorrow. A Saturday. The weekend. Lily couldn't help but feel annoyed. Couldn't they do it tonight?

She'd checked the heads dorms but James wasn't there. She wanted to let him know about the meeting tomorrow and organise a time to meet for rounds tonight. 'Eurgh...rounds,' she couldn't help but remember what had happened the previous night. She head to the Gryffindor common room to see if James might be in there.

* * *

"Right everything's sorted for tonight," James said.

Lily had just entered the common room but the Marauders had yet to notice her presence even though she was only about thirty metres away. They were getting careless. 'What's tonight?' she wondered.

"Are you sure?" Remus inquired.

"Relax," Sirius commanded, "we're Missirs Moony, Wormtail, Padfoot and Prongs. No one can harm us or stop us."

'They're who?' Lily was getting more and more confused by the second.

"Besides, even if we're not ready it's a full moon so we've got no choice but to get on with it," Sirius concluded.

"Right, let's go," James said.

At this point Lily had no choice but to make herself known. She stood right between them and the portrait door. "Go where?" she butted in.

The marauders couldn't look shiftier if they tried. They were clearly worried about how much Lily had over heard. James was the first to find his voice, "How long have you been lurking there, Evans?" Evans. It was conclusive. He was still pissed at her for what happened earlier.

"I just walked in now," Lily lied. She couldn't let them know that she was suspicious of their behaviour. 'Full moon, but what had that got to do with anything?' she wondered. "Why? You're not trying to hide something are you?"

"No," Sirius jumped in, a little too soon, "erm, I mean, of course not. Stop looking for trouble Evans, you won't get any from us."

Lily wasn't going to give up that easily. She wanted to see how far she could push it, "A little cagey aren't we? You know, for four teenagers, famous for mischief making, who assure me they're not causing trouble."

James could restrain himself no longer. "Oh, just leave it, will you?"

"Excuse me," Lily complained, offended by his sudden outburst.

"You heard me Lily, Get over yourself. I'm sure you've got enough problems of your own so stay out of ours." He paused. "Why did you come here anyway?"

"I was looking for you, but I don't know why I bothered. I'll see you later to do rounds...unfortunately," Lily spat.

"You won't," James grinned as he saw Lily's temper rise, "I'm not coming. My friends need me, not that you'd notice. Loyalty to my friends is important to me. They **trust** me to be there for them. Not that **you'd** notice that either."

"Is this really about your friends James?" Lily inquired.

"We'll just be outside mate," Remus whispered. James hardly noticed. He wasn't going to break eye contact with Lily. He refused to let her beat him. Not this time.

"Or is it about me and what I said this morning?"

"Oh my God...eurgh...once again it's all got to be about you. When it comes to my friends Lily you no longer even register in my mind. They are the most important people in my life and I'm proud of that. The trust and the loyalty that we share is too great for most people to even attempt to understand. And clearly, you're one of those people."

"Why are you treating me like this?" Lily sounded wounded but she soon recovered. "What happened to the love sick fool who followed me around like a lost sheep," Lily fired back.

He chose to ignore her last sentence. "I'll tell you why, Lily? Could it be because you continuously put me down, thinking that you're above me? Or could it be that you refuse to believe that I'm capable of being a better person? Or maybe it's because I'm sick to death of seeing you everyday? You know what; I'm feeling generous, so let's say it's all three."

The next thing James felt was Lily's hand slam against his cheek. She just couldn't listen to him insult her anymore. Lily stood, silent and shocked at her violent behaviour. Regaining some of her previous composure she said, "Meeting with McGonagall after breakfast tomorrow. Don't be late."

"Goodbye Lily." And with that he left her standing in the common room alone.

She burst into tears and for the first time in her life it was because of James Potter. She was sorry that she'd hurt him, now not only emotionally but physically. What had she become? And she was sorry...so, so sorry that she'd let her temper get the better of her. Again.

* * *

It was 9:00 p.m. and Lily was sat with Rachel and Jess in the girl's dorm room. They'd been playing cards for an hour and Lily's mood had lifted a little as she relaxed. The memory of her full blown argument with James had not left her but she'd pushed it to the back of her mind. Instead, she'd been thinking about what the guys had been talking about before they'd noticed her. What did their strange nicknames relate to? What did the full moon have to do with anything? And then it hit her. Werewolves. Werewolves had a lot to do with a full moon. But it couldn't be. Could it? Was one of the Marauders a werewolf? Yes. That was it. But which one? Well, Remus had been a little nervous about whatever they were planning.

"Hey Rach," Lily continued once she had Rachel's attention, "Do you remember what Remus' boggart turned into three years ago in Defence against the Dark Arts?"

"Oh yeah," Rachel laughed, "It was so funny. He's got this weird phobia of the moon. How silly is that?"

"Are you alright Lily?" Jess asked.

All the colour had drained form her face. "Yeah I'm fine. I better go do rounds though. I'll seya later."

"Bye," Rachel replied.

"That was weird," Jess stated once Lily had exited.

* * *

It was Saturday morning and as far as Lily was concerned it had come around far too soon. She lay in her large bed staring at the ceiling. Never in her life had she felt more regret over an argument she'd had with James Potter and from now on she was planning on avoiding him at all costs. Or at least until the meeting with McGonagall. It was half an hour until breakfast and an hour after that the meeting would commence. Getting out of bed Lily quickly had a shower then got dressed in a blue halter neck top and a comfortable pair of jeans. Breakfast was a definite miss today if she wanted to avoid Potter so she sent her owl down for breakfast in bed.

There were only five minutes until the meeting started and Lily had prepared herself to be, once again, in James' presence. She had concealed her tired eyes with make-up and was ready to show James that what had happened had had no effect on her whatsoever. But last nights had stung her more than even she knew.

Lily went down the staircase from her room to the heads common room to find Professor McGonagall and James sitting by the fire. She quickly sat down across form James.

"Morning Miss Evans," McGonagall said.

"Good morning Professor," she replied politely.

"Let's start then shall we," McGonagall continued, "Why do you feel the need to arrange different accommodation Miss Evans?"

"Things just aren't working out. We're just too different. It's hard enough working together but living together is making it impossible. I think that the less time we spend together outside heads duties, the better we'll do the job."

Lily glanced at James but he was just staring into his lap.

"And Mr Potter?" McGonagall asked. "How about you?"

James glanced up but then looked back down almost immediately, "It's not working. I agree."

"And what do you think should be done?" McGonagall inquired.

"James simply added, "Whatever she wants."

"Right." McGonagall was clearly uncomfortable with the situation.

Lily couldn't understand his behaviour. He should be hating her now, as much as she hated herself, not helping her.

"Alright. I'll talk to Professor Dumbledore about your concerns, but I'm not sure that there is much I can do. In the whole history of Hogwarts living arrangements have never been a problem for the head boy and girl. I'll let you know as soon as possible but in the mean time you two should try to overcome, or at least overlook, some of your differences." She turned to walk out of the heads dorms and Lily heard her mumble, "I was so certain they'd do so well together."

Once she had gone, Lily looked up at James but he still hadn't moved and his eyes remained locked on his knees. She decided to follow McGonagall's advice and got up to apologise.

Sitting next to James she said, "James, can we talk?" but he refused to respond. She tried again, "James please. Come on." But again he refused to respond. There was nothing for it. She swallowed her pride and knelt down in front of him. Taking the same hand she'd struck him with she lifted her arm and rested it against his cheek. Instantly James looked up. "James, I'm sorry for hitting you," Lily sincerely stated as she inspected his face for any damage she might have caused. As she was doing so she began to realise that James had a nice face; a very nice face, with smooth skin, a firm jaw and full lips. Immediately she dropped her hand trying to resist the thoughts she was having for James Potter. But she continued trying to make up for her behaviour. "You look like hell by the way," she said with a friendly smile on her face.

"I didn't get much sleep," James finally replied. "I'm sorry for making you want to hit me," he added.

Lily joked, "Well, you know, you do have a way of bringing out the best in me."

"Very funny," James responded sarcastically, but there was a trace of humour in his voice.

"I'm sorry for what I said about you too," Lily confessed, "You have changed and I do see it. I'm willing to give you a chance."

James grinned then looked down and closed his hands over hers.

'What is he doing?' she wondered.

He looked up into her eyes and gradually leant forwards until his face was closing the gap between their lips. Lily was confused. No longer than a minute before she had been thinking about those full red lips and what it might feel like to kiss them. Somehow her eyes had closed and James was so close she could feel his breath on her cheek. James. James Potter. Lily quickly backed off and reclaimed her hands.

"I didn't mean that James. I meant a chance at being friends." Thoroughly flustered, confused and embarrassed Lily head outside to get some well needed fresh air.

James was left alone.


	5. Plans and Poetry

Disclaimer: J.K. Rowling is the creator of the characters involved in this fan fiction (minus a few of my own OC) and all magical content and themes belong to her. Not me.

AN: I'm sorry that this update took so long. I hope whoever is reading my story is enjoying it. Please review so that I know it is being read. Otherwise all this hard work is for nothing. Please tell me what you think of chapter 4 and the other chapters so far.

The following chapter is dedicated to my Grandpa

Chapter 4- 'Plans and Poetry'

It was a new week at Hogwarts and the students were looking to the upcoming weekend trip to Hogsmeade (the local wizard village). Lily had plans with Rachel, Jess and of course Clara and James would be with the rest of the Marauders. Winter was fast approaching, or at least the weather associated with it was. But for such an old castle, the school dealt with the oncoming temperature a drop remarkably well- every student was sure to wake up in a warm bed.

Lily and James had been tiptoeing around each other all weekend and their friends hah started to notice. It wasn't only the weather that seemed to be making the temperature plummet in the Gryffindor common room. Whenever the two heads were around a chill crept up everyone's back if they came within a ten metre radius of the pair.

Jess and Rachel had just about had enough and from the way Sirius, Remus and Peter were acting, they had too. And now was the opportune moment to do something about it as James and Lily were not around.

The Gryffindor common room was fairly empty and after discussing what they could do, about Lily and James, Jess and Rachel head over to where the Marauders (minus James) were sat- discussing something illegal no doubt.

"Hey guys," Jess said sitting across from Sirius.

"Well hello ladies," Sirius replied smoothly, "What can I do for you?"

"Actually," Rachel added, "It's what we can do for each other."

"What do you mean?" Remus inquired.

"I think we've all had just about enough of Lily and James avoiding each other all of the time," Rachel explained, "so we were thinking that we should work together to help James persuade Lily to give him a chance. Are you in?"

"Er…one problem," Peter said, "Lily doesn't even like James in that way, or in any other way as far as I can tell."

Jess contradicted him, "But she does. She just hasn't realised it yet."

"Think about it," Rachel explained, "Why would she get so annoyed with him if she didn't care. She obviously cares about him more than she'd like to admit and that's why she gets so angry and aggressive."

There was silence as the Marauders considered this.

"I guess you could be right," said Remus. "What did you have in mind?"

Jess outlined the plan. "First we get James on board. We know Lily like the back of our hands so we'll be able to tell James exactly what he needs to do to impress her."

Jess listed a few of their ideas, "Roses, chocolates, poetry, love letters, and maybe a little tutoring in Transfiguration- I've noticed her struggling with it recently."

"Yeah. It could really work," Sirius stated as his excitement grew.

"I don't know," Remus mumbled, "I mean, if something goes wrong, and Lily ends up hating James even more, he'll never forgive us."

"Oh come on," Rachel urged. "He's miserable at the moment anyway and he'll never be happy again unless we convince him to take this chance."

"It's a big chance," Peter said.

"Yes but one worth taking," Jess simply put it. "And I know that Lily isn't happy with the way things are between her and James now. Why shouldn't it work?"

"Are you in?" Rachel asked the Marauders.

They crouched into a huddle to discuss it further and then Remus' head popped up. "Ok, we're in."

"Great," Jess exclaimed.

"Let's find James," Sirius suggested, "This better work!"

* * *

"I don't think so guys."

That was it. That was James' response to their 'oh so genius' plan. Rachel wasn't going to give up on this so she pushed a little harder, "James, come on. Trust us. This is going to work, I'm sure of it. All you have to do is what we tell you and Lily is bound to give you a chance."

"Yeah come on mate, what could go wrong?" Sirius attempted to help her out in persuading James.

"A lot of things," James answered, "She could just end up hating me all over again. I don't think I could stand that."

Jess tried to salvage the situation, "But listen. This is not going to make her hate you any more than she already does."

The group looked around at her with raised eyebrows as if to say, 'you're really not helping'. Realising her mistake, Jess said, "Oh no! I didn't mean that the way it came out. I'm sure that she doesn't hate you; positive in fact. 100. It's just that I know that you'd both be a lot happier if you were together. She's just scared James. Doing what we suggest will help her to relax a little, allowing her to make a more sensible decision about having a relationship with you. Isn't she worth the risk?"

James looked down as he thought about Jess' words. Was Lily really worth it? Of course she was. But he was still uncertain of what to do. He decided to get someone else to make the decision for him.

"Remus?" he began, "What do you think I should do?"

Remus, who up until this point had been quiet, almost as if he was trying not to get involved, said, "I just want you to be happy James and it seems to me, and everyone here, that getting together with Lily will lead to that happiness. Plus, we're kind of sick of you two avoiding each other all of the time. So, in answer to your question 'What should you do?' I say, go for it."

James wasn't sure whether to be excited or nervous about this decision. Making the effort to be a man and stay strong he inhaled deeply and boldly said, "What must I do?"

"Yes," Rachel screamed jumping up and down.

Jess just grabbed James into a bear hug and stated, "I knew you'd see sense."

"Ok, ok!" James exclaimed, "That's enough. Stop all of this crazy behaviour. I have agreed to give this a go but I'm not doing anything that I feel uncomfortable with."

"Fine," Jess said.

* * *

"I feel really uncomfortable with that," James moaned.

"Really James," Rachel laughed, "when have you ever been too nervous to ask out Lily Evans. And this is only the first stage. I can't wait to see how you cope with the next few.

"Me neither," Sirius remarked with a huge smirk plastered to his face.

"Oh, and me neither," James shot out, sarcastically.

"Come on, lighten up," Jess said.

"You're not the one who has to leave a rose on her desk with a tacky love letter attached to it."

Remus tried to calm him down, "it's really not that bad. At least she'll know that you're trying. I know this is a cliché but 'it's the thought that counts'."

"You can try telling Lily that when she rips my heart out and cuts into it with these rose thorns.

"Urgh…just do it," Rachel cried impatiently.

They were outside the Charms classroom, five minutes before the lesson began. Lily was always prompt when getting to lessons, arriving dead on time, so it was vital that James planted the rose now.

He entered the classroom slowly, making sure that the professor hadn't arrived yet and Lily wasn't early. Placing the rose carefully on her desk he crept back into the corridor to meet the others and head back outside until the lesson started.

* * *

Lily was always first to class but she didn't feel bothered by it in the slightest. It was nice to know that she was setting a good example, as head girl, to the other students, although no one had seemed to follow it yet. 'Maybe one day,' she thought, or rather hoped.

Charms being her favourite subject, she hated to miss a second of it. Following her usual routine she walked over to her desk to get out her text books. She sat down in her chair carelessly placing her bag on the floor as she spotted the rose. "Ow", she screamed as she picked it up, a thorn piercing her skin. She carefully manoeuvred the stem so that her fingers were gripping it where there were no thorns. Slowly bringing the petals up to her delicately freckled nose she inhaled deeply a smell so sweet it created a tingly sensation around her whole face. Lily spotted the card attached to the stem. "I wonder who this is from," she whispered.

Carefully turning the card around, she watched in awe as words in gold leaf slowly appeared upon the paper.

'_Flower, _

_I saw this and thought of you. I suppose I'm always thinking about you although I've tried not to. I just wanted you to know that in the same way that this rose is beautiful to all who see it, you are beautiful to me. Remember I'm thinking about you always._

_J'_

She knew who it was from and she knew it was for her, but she had no idea how she would deal with this and had no time to form a strategy because at that moment the bell rang for the start of class. For once, Lily would rather have been anywhere except in this Charms class, with James Potter sat two rows back, and one seat to the left.

* * *

The lesson was fairly uneventful. No explosions took place, permanent disfigurements arouse, or broken objects were left at the end of class. At least students were getting better. The most important exams of their lives were coming up so it was vital that they improve. Good grades were not given for exploding objects in the examiner's face. Lily had still performed brilliantly in Charms today, after all it was her best subject, but she'd also had chance to think about her 'James' problem and had finally come to a decision concerning what to do about the rose.

Approaching him in the corridor after class she shouted, "James."

He stopped suddenly and let her catch up to him. 'Maybe this plan of theirs will work,' he thought.

"Hi," he said softly as he turned to face her.

"Hi," she replied. Lily tried to remain unaffected by James Potter's presence but she could tell he'd already noticed her blush. She continued quickly, "Is this from you? She held out the object in question.

"Maybe it is, maybe it isn't," he grinned at his response.

"Cut the crap James, it's not like I don't already know!"

"Then why ask?" he inquired.

Lily was sick of his games. She was serious and he needed to know it. "Because I want to know why!"

"Why what?" He really wasn't making this easy for her.

"Urgh! Why…you…sent…me…this," she said through clenched teeth. Her hands had balled into fists and she was starting to shake.

James sensed the danger he was in by the warning signs she was so clearly displaying and consequently backed away a little.

She noticed his reluctance to answer and so continued herself, "I told you I'd give you a chance at being my friend so why are you doing this? I don't want this! Stop pursuing me James I'm not available," she said exasperatedly.

"Fine…Flower," James simply said.

"Don't call me that," Lily warned.

"Why not, Flower?"

"Because it's not my name."

"But that's what you are, isn't it? Aren't Lilies flowers?" James grinned. Her face at this moment expressed more than a thousand pictures. He laughed.

"It's not funny James. Stop teasing me."

"I'm just being _friendly_," he said innocently.

"As long as that's all it is," she warned again, but a grin broke out across her face.

James looked at her for a while, smiled and then sighed. "Bye Lily." He walked off to plan stage two of 'conquering Lily'. She hadn't responded well to stage one but she'd soon see he wasn't going to back down. Then she'd have to give him a chance, or at least that's what he thought. 'Right?'

* * *

Lily awoke the next morning to hear a tapping at her window. Reluctantly she pulled herself out of bed to retrieve her post. She was surprised to find to see another owl waiting outside too, next to her usual barn owl. The second owl had a small parcel attached to one of its leg. Lily opened the window to allow the owls to enter and they swooped down to perch on her desk. She paid the usual owl two silver sickles for the delivery and thanked the second by stroking it softly. The two departed shortly afterward.

The parcel seemed small when attached to the owl but now appeared to be expanding until in was the size of a shoe box. 'How could such a small creature carry such a load?' she wondered.

Lily untied the ribbon holding the lid on the box and opened it. Inside were three delicately formed chocolates in three different shapes- a rose, a heart and a star. On each chocolate was a single work, making up the phrase, 'Good morning Flower'.

'Oh no,' she thought, 'when is he going to give up!' However, this was chocolate, so what could she do but try a one. She carefully bit into the piece inscribed with 'Good', slightly worried that maybe James had pranked her. But her worries were soon replaced by the most delicious taste she'd ever experienced. It was definitely clear that James was trying really hard and she was starting to think that maybe this attention wasn't totally unwanted. However, she was still adamant that they were nothing more than friends.

After getting washed and dressed she head down to the great hall for breakfast and sat with Rachel and Jess across form the Marauders.

"Thanks for the chocolates by the way," Lily said to James.

James smiled and said, "No problem. You looked like you needed some and who was I to stand in the way when I knew I could do something about it." He winked at her.

"Well thank you. But like I've said before and no doubt I'll have to say again, this changes nothing. We are still just friends."

"Ok. That's fine," James agreed. He then silently added, 'for now.'

* * *

The girls were sat on beds in the Gryffindor seventh year girls' common room, looking at their homework, which seemed to be piling up by the hour. "Urgh…I just can't do this one topic," Lily complained, "and I've always been so good at Transfiguration."

"Lily, it's really no more difficult than the other NEWT level work we've been doing so far this year, and you've been fine with all of that," Rachel pointed out.

"I know it shouldn't be more difficult but it is, which is what makes it all the more frustrating," she said in a gloomy whinge.

Jess began, "Now don't get angry at me for suggesting this…"

"Why would _I_ get angry," Lily interrupted.

Jess answered, "I know you Evans and you can be quite feisty when you want to be. I don't ever want to get on the wrong side of you. However, I was going to suggest that you should perhaps get a tutor."

"What!" Lily shouted.

"See, I told you you'd react like this," Jess complained.

Lily quickly regained her composure, "Like what?" she responded innocently, "I wasn't angry, I was just shocked."

"Whatever you say," Rachel replied sarcastically.

"Anyway," Lily continued, "I'd have to be desperate to get a tutor. I'd be saying goodbye to my reputation as the smartest girl in school."

"And are you that desperate?" Jess inquired.

"I'm as desperate as desperation goes," she replied.

Rachel simply stated, "Then find a tutor Lil."

* * *

"It's got to be you Prongs," Remus said, "Rachel told me all about Lily's problems in that subject, which just happens to be your best subject."

"I am the last person on Earth that Lily Evans would ever receive educational support from. She'd go to Pete first and we all know how bad he is in Transfiguration," James said.

Peter was offended by this comment, "Hey, I resent that buddy."

"Sorry," James repented, "I was just trying to make a point. And it's true; she'll never have me as a tutor. Never let me help her. And I mean never!"

"Just ask her mate," Sirius urged calmly, "the worst she can do is say no and it's not like you're not used to hearing that word coming from her mouth, usually in your direction."

"Thanks for that boost of confidence Padfoot," was James' sarcastic reply. Evidently his sense of humour wasn't in gear today. "Ok, I'll give it a go."

"Phase three is in motion," Sirius declared in a voice much like a secret spy's; deep and resonant.

"And how many of these stages will there be?" James asked.

"As many as it takes," Remus responded.

The Marauders stayed by the lake for the rest of lunch, except for Peter who left slightly earlier claiming he'd forgotten do his homework for Potions, which unfortunately happened to be the last lesson of the day.

* * *

When the practical session had begun in Potions, and the professor was distracted by something in his office, James took the opportunity to approach Lily.

"How's it going?" he asked her when she was adding to today's potion task.

She quickly looked up to confirm that the voice belonged to the boy she thought it was and replied, "Fine thank you. And you?"

"Great. Excellent in fact. I was wondering if you could do me a favour," James mentioned. Lily just gazed at him, clearly suspicious of his actions and motive. "I've decided to become a teacher after school and so I was hoping that I could practice my tutoring skills on you. We could use Transfiguration as the 'practice' topic area, as it's my best subject," he declared.

"Do you really expect me to believe that cock and bull story? Rachel and Jess told you I was struggling didn't they?"

"Well…er…they may have mentioned something," he answered lamely.

"Ok. The thing is, I do need help, and tutoring would be good. So, as you're the best Transfiguration student in the year, and you're offering, then I guess I'm accepting," Lily concluded.

"Great," James said a little too enthusiastically, "I mean that's good…I mean for you…I mean I'd like to help, I'd be glad too."

He turned to walk away to continue his potion task when he heard Lily further conclude, "But no funny business James."

He continued to walk away smiling inwardly to himself.

* * *

The library was quiet after dinner and Lily and James had arranged to meet there at 7:00 p.m. for their first tutoring session. To say that Lily was worried was an understatement. She was anxious about what James might say, how he would act, and worst of all what he might try. This she feared the most. What if she let him?

"Ok," James began, "What do you struggle with?"

"Everything," Lily replied.

"Alright, I'll rephrase that," James laughed, "What do you want to focus on first?"

"Something simple," Lily pleaded.

James thought for a while until he said, "Let's try turning this pen into a feather, ok? You can't go too far wrong with that. Just move your wand like this." He quickly flicked his wrist and made a short tapping noise with his wand. After saying the incantation the pen instantly transformed into a feather. "Now you try," he commanded her.

"Ok," she whispered hoarsely.

Lily attempted the transformation ten times until it was successful and even then the feather she had created was flying at them at an attacking angle; point towards them. They ducked under the table quickly as James said, "I think that's enough for one day. You did pretty well. This attempt was far better than your first try and I can see your really starting to understand the correct wrist movement involved."

"Thanks," Lily replied. 'Well that wasn't so bad,' she thought, 'and he didn't even try anything.'

* * *

Lily was returning to the Gryffindor common room to spend some time with Rachel and Jess, after her tutoring session with James, when she saw Cara sitting alone outside. She was clearly crying.

Lily began to approach to find out what had happened but she was beaten to it by…James Potter? 'Unbelievable,' she thought, 'what's he going to do to the poor girl now?!' She was about to storm over to stop him until she heard him ask, "What's wrong Cara?" and froze.

"Erm…uh…er…nothing. I…I don't want to talk about it," Cara replied through muffled sobs and falling tears.

Lily remained far back as she watched James attempt to comfort Cara, like he actually, well, cared.

He continued, "If you don't want to talk about it than that's fine. But I can be a really good listener."

'Yeah right,' Lily thought as she grinned.

Cara seemed to pause for a thought and then once a decision was made she opened up. "It's my parents," she wailed, "they're dead and all I can think about is how I keep seeing them lying there, in the hospital, unable to move, unable to speak, unable to understand me," she paused for breath. "Unable to live," she concluded in barely a whisper.

Lily could see that James was clearly uncomfortable with the situation but he was trying, which was the important thing. It was actually quite cute. 'Wait,' she thought, 'that did not just enter my head.'

Lily watched as James casually draped his arm around Cara's shoulders and said, "I realise it's hard for you but your parents were very brave. And I know it's difficult to accept but they died fighting a good cause. They're heroes."

"I understand that," Cara replied, "but it's just so hard sometimes. Learning to live without them when all I've ever known is living with them is so difficult. I know what they've done to stop Voldemort has saved lives but it's ruined mine." She burst into a fresh batch of tears and then continued, "I bet you think I'm really selfish, don't you?"

"No, no," James reassured her. "I would never think that," he began, "if it had been my parents I would react the exact same way."

Lily watched longer as Cara continued to sob and James quickly ran his hand through his hair, supposedly in frustration. Or maybe James Potter was worried.

"Just remember to hold on to all the good times you spent with them," James advised, "and eventually when you think of them you won't be crying…instead you'll be smiling."

"Ok." Cara slowly perked up and said, "Thanks James."

He smiled and said, "Not a problem." Then he got up saying, "See you around," and walked off.

Lily quickly followed him in order to congratulate him on his display of actual human affection (for once). "That was really sweet James Potter," she informed him once she'd caught up. She quickly kissed him on the cheek and extended her right hand for him to shake. "Friends?" she asked.

James seemed to ponder the thought of only being her friend for a while. Lily noticed a resigned look spread across his features as he extended his right arm, shook her hand and said, "Friends."

Lily turned around and walked off smiling. James on the other hand couldn't understand why he'd given up so easily. All he knew was that he cared about her a lot. The situation with Cara had made him realise how much he didn't want to lose her and if being a friend was the only way he'd ever get close then he'd accept that option. After all, it was the only one.


	6. Nothing Hurts Like Love

Nothing Hurts Like Love

The library was quiet after dinner and Lily and James had arranged to meet there at 7:00 p.m. for their tutoring session. To say that Lily was worried was an understatement (which there seemed to be a lot of lately where she was concerned). She was anxious about what James would say, how he would act, but mainly she feared what he might try. What if she let him?

"Ok," James began, "What do you struggle with most?"

"Everything," Lily replied.

"Alright, I'll rephrase that," James laughed, "What do you want to focus on first?"

"Something simple," Lily pleaded.

James thought for a while and then said, "Let's try turning your muggle pen into a quill. A much better writing tool if you ask me, but you have your own little ways I guess." He quickly flicked his wrist and made a short tapping motion with his wand. After saying the correct incantation the pen instantly turned into a quill and he said, "See? It's as easy as that!"

"Ok," Lily stated in an attempt to reassure herself. Her hand shaking, she slowly raised her wand and attempted to repeat James' words and impeccable movements as she repeated them. The pen shook gently and began to spin around in a circle. James and Lily had barely two seconds to look at each other nervously before the pen exploded leaving a tiny feather on the desk and the two heads covered in splotches of blue ink.

They slowly looked at each other once more, wide brown eyes meeting shocked green ones, surrounded by deep blue freckles. James immediately broke into fits of laughter.

"James. It's not funny. Stop laughing!" Lily demanded, but he just continued laughing at her. Feeling extremely self-conscious annoyed and embarrassed she gently punched James in the shoulder, repeating her request, to indicate that enough was enough.

"James, I said stop it!"

"I'm sorry but you just look so funny all shocked and surprised. If you could just see your face," he explained, "I can't believe you could get such a simple spell wrong."

Lily looked at him, thoroughly embarrassed and somewhat hurt by his teasing, "Why do you think I asked you for help. I was desperate." She paused and then looked into his eyes,"Maybe this was a bad idea."

She started to get up but James quickly clamped his hand around her left wrist. "Don't!" He sat her down again next to him and apologised.

"It wasn't that bad. For the first try, I mean. Come on let's get cleaned up and then we can try again."

Lily looked a little sceptical before she said, "Ok. But no more laughing mister."

"I'm sorry," James insisted, "it's just that all the blue ink couldn't hide the famous Evans blush."

"James," Lily said warningly.

"I'm sorry…again. Trust me though; we won't stop until you get this. By the time we're finished you'll be the second best Transfiguration student in the school. The best being me of course." James smiled again.

"Do you know that arrogance is a really unattractive quality?" Lily asked, rhetorically of course but James still answered.

"Well you know, I try," sarcasm evident in his tone. "Anyway, I'm not arrogant. I'm just honest," he defended.

Lily just rolled her eyes and the two walked off to clean up.

"Whatever you say," she mumbled.

* * *

It had been two weeks since Lily and James had agreed to become friends and Lily couldn't imagine how things could ever have been so different between them; so horrible. Alright she could. He did use to be arrogant and selfish and egotistical, but he was different now. Her grades in Transfiguration were definitely improving and Professor McGonagall couldn't believe the change- although hard work and dedication from Lily Evans was not unusual.

James was spending less time with the Marauders and more time with Lily as their friendship grew and Lily soon found herself confiding in James about things she wouldn't have dreamt of telling him not three weeks ago. Such as the way her sister treats her because she's 'different', what worries her so much about failing her exams, the pressure to prove herself because she isn't pure blood, and what her dreams for the future are.

In return James gave a lengthy description of his family tree, which took a good few hours, in order to explain to Lily how he was considered a pure blood wizard, and to emphasise the discrimination against muggle born witches and wizards was. After all, James had dozens of pure blood relatives but barely half of them were as talented with magic as Lily was. Minus Transfiguration that is. James also tried to explain his passion for Quidditch to Lily- the freedom that it provided- and although she could see where he was coming from, she still would not agree that it was as fascinating as he liked to believe.

Currently, the two were in the great hall having a late dinner after studying in the library. Lily was getting remarkably better at Transfiguration which meant that she had to start repaying the favour and was helping James a little with Charms- her best subject. The hall was almost empty and they had a hard job actually making sure that there was enough food left. Jess, Rachel and the Marauders were no where in sight. They must have finished up already.

"So your Charms are really improving," Lily encouraged James.

"I don't think my Charms have ever needed improving Lily I've always been _charming_," he joked.

Lily tried not to smile at his terrible, and slightly arrogant, joke but her lips betrayed her. "You know what I mean," she said.

"Yeah I do. I just wish that I could say the same for you with Transfiguration," he teased.

Lily could tell that he didn't mean it but being bad at something was an experience she rarely had and she didn't like it.

"James, it's not funny and I really have improved, McGonagall said so herself. And you know it."

"Yeah I do," he repeated, smiling,"Let me know if you need any more tutoring after tomorrow's lesson, ok?"

"I will. The answer is probably yes. That I can tell you now," Lily mumbled.

James lifted his hand towards her face and lifted her chin, "Chin up," he said, "Come on. You'll be fine and by the time NEWT's arrive you'll sail through. I promise."

James had removed his hand now but Lily was certain she'd felt something jolt through her when their bodies made contact. Something that she liked. What could it mean? James Potter was attractive she supposed…ok, he definitely could be described as gorgeous. Since becoming friends with James, Lily had noticed how his hair would fall in front of his thin framed glasses and disguise his hazel eyes that appeared sometimes brown and sometimes green- His deep brown eyes like portals to his soul. What was she thinking?

"Do you want to do something tonight? After rounds of course." The Marauders and I were planning a little night in if you're interested in joining us."

"I might," Lily said, thinking through the situation in her head. Would it really hurt to spend time with them? She'd not only got to know James better over the past two weeks but friendships had started to develop between her, Remus, Sirius and Peter too, when he was around.

"Jess and Rach can come too if they want but please don't bring anyone else Lils," James pleaded.

"I won't. I'll ask them later ok?"

"Ok, good," James stated.

"Good," Lily concluded.

* * *

Jess and Rachel were in their dorm room lay on their beds when Lily entered, both looking suitably bored.

"Hi guys," Lily said with a little wave.

"Hey Lils," her friends replied in unison. Then they all cracked up laughing at the strangeness of their synchronised speech.

"Gosh Lily. I'm glad you came up. We are _so_ bored," Jess grumbled.

"Well you'll be even happier when you've heard what I've got to say.

"Oooh. Please tell," Rachel urged.

Lily laughed at her two best friends inwardly as she saw the excitement on their faces. She continued, "We have been invited to an evening with the Marauders. The schools biggest pranksters and we'll be their special guests, or their only guests. But hey, what could be more entertaining than spending a few hours in close proximity to the most spontaneous boys in school. There is absolutely no chance of boredom in their company."

"And how did all this happen," Jess inquired.

"Well I was talking to James…"

"Oooh. You were with James again," Rachel joked, although Lily sensed a bit of bitterness in her voice. She had been neglecting the two a little recently.

"Yes I was. And our _friendship_ is going really well. In fact, James is a really good _friend_. Anyway, he invited us."

"I'm in," Rachel said a little too eagerly. It was so obvious that she had a crush on Remus but Jess and Lily pretended to be oblivious and ignored her outburst for what it really revealed.

Jess salvaged the situation by saying, "Me too."

Unbeknownst to Jess, Lily was also fully aware of her crush on Sirius Black. It looked as though Peter was the only member of the Marauders who wasn't crushed on by her friends. And James of course, he had spent too much of the last 6 years pursuing Lily for Jess and Rachel to ever see him as a future spouse. Now she and he were friends though it became clear to Lily that he no longer felt that way about her. A feeling of sadness quickly passed over her as realisation hit home but that's all it was, a quick feeling. She decided that it meant nothing.

"Great," Lily continued, focusing back on the original conversation, "I'll meet you guys in the common room at 8:30 so that James and I have enough time to finish rounds."

Jess and Rachel gave each other knowing looks and giggled.

Lily just rolled her eyes and commanded, "That's enough guys. Be ready at 8:30 and I'll see you then."

Lily then smiled at them and left the dormitory.

* * *

Lily quickly ran to the head dorms after rounds to change whilst James went to help the rest of the Marauders set up for whatever they had planned. She decided on her blue hipster jeans from the muggle shop GAP, a chunky brown belt and a blue cashmere sweater, covered by a think turquoise jacket. She had her hair half tied up and half left cascading down her shoulders. Her favourite emerald earrings, from her grandma, were dangling from her petite ears and her look was topped off by a pair of black flip flops. Hey! Hogwarts wasn't that near to a beach it was true, but she wasn't leaving the castle and they were extremely comfortable. Plus, she thought she had nice feet.

By the time she'd done her make-up and quickly brushed her teeth she was ready to meet Jess and Rachel. James had told her he'd come and meet them in the Gryffindor common room too so that he could lead them to the location of their small gathering. Lily couldn't help but feel excited at the prospect of spending time with the school's most notorious trouble makers and pranksters, but especially James. She was Head girl for crying out loud, their behaviour was unacceptable 90 of the time and she was willingly getting involved in it. This wasn't what worried her most though. The biggest worry was her need, and yes it was a deep need inside her, to see James. She was thrilled that they were friends but everyday she was beginning to feel that she was further away from what she really wanted, whatever that was.

She pushed her insecurities to the back of her mind and head down stairs to meet Jess and Rach in the common room…and James. _James_.

* * *

"So how are things going mate?" Sirius inquired, "How did you get the lovely Miss Evans to finally give you the time of day?"

"I decided to treat her like a human being rather than an object that I enjoyed worshipping, which she seems to prefer for some reason. I told her that I just want to be friends. And she is not 'giving me the time of day'. She would actually have to like me back for that to happen," James answered.

"Bloody hell mate," Sirius proclaimed, "What did you tell her that for? It's not true is it? If it is I'd as soon say that Peter was getting some off a different girl every night."

"Shut up," Peter defended himself.

"Of course it's not true," James responded, "And thanks for the terrifying visual images of Pete, Padfoot."

"What's your plan now then," Remus asked James. It was something that James had been wondering himself. At first he'd hoped that Lily, once she'd got to know him better, might fall in love with him back but she hadn't shown any signs to suggest that kind of affection towards him, even though they'd spent the last two weeks in each others pockets. Thinking about everything now, he realised what he had to do and what his plan would be.

He told Remus, "My plan is to be her friend and stay her friend. Nothing more and certainly never anything less. I've got to know a Lily Evans that I never thought I'd have the pleasure to know and she's great. She's almost like a best friend. After you three of course," James reassured them.

Peter spoke up at this moment with remarkably wise words, "Is that enough?"

The rest of the Marauders regarded him carefully and he elaborated further, "You know. Is being friends with Lily enough for you? You've loved her for seven years and for the past six years you've never struggled to keep those feelings to yourself. Will you be able to do that now?"

"I'll have to," James stated solemnly, "I'd rather have her as a friend then have no contact with her at all."

"Whichever way you look at it Prongs that girl will be the death of you," Sirius piped up, "You'll either suffer from unrequited love and die of a broken heart or you'll never see her again and suffer neglect leading to your death from a broken heart."

"Thanks for the boost of confidence," James said sarcastically.

"He may be right," Remus added, "That's a statement I never thought I'd make. Anyway, it's all very well you being friends with Evans but if you still love her things will always be too awkward for you to be _real_ friend."

"I know," James mumbled, "But it's all I've got."

Remus added, "You'll just have to find another girl, fall in love with her and forget about Lily as anything more than a friend. Then you don't have to lose her at all. Your friendship will survive much longer this way."

"Harsh but true," Sirius lamented.

James looked at his friends and then sighed in resignation. They were right and he knew it.

* * *

'What's taking him so long?' Lily thought. Just as the thought had left her mind and was about to pass through her lips she heard footsteps from the boys dormitory as James entered the common room.

"You've got to be kidding," Jess said, "the party's in the boy's dormitory?"

"Yes it is," James said, a little frustrated at her reluctance, "and it isn't a party; we're just hanging out. If you can't handle breaking a few little rules then you don't have to come."

"No," Jess shouted, then collected herself and said, "Its fine. I was just surprised, that's all."

"Ok then. Let's go," James said smiling.

"What have you got planned James?" Lily said suspiciously.

"You'll see," he replied, casually draping his arm around her as he led her up the stairs to the boy's dorm. It was funny that the girls seemed to be trusted to behave more than the boys, not entering their dormitories, if the lack of booby traps was anything to go by. This just made Lily feel like she was behaving even more wrongly. If the Marauders had dared try to enter the girl's dorm the staircase would have given way forcing them to slide back down to the common room on their backsides. Anyway, if they were going to have fun tonight who cared?

The four of them entered the dorm room to see the remaining Marauders, a table filled with bottles and to hear some loud music blazing through speakers to the right hand side of the room. A silencing charm had obviously been placed on the room as Lily hadn't heard a hint of the rock music on her way up the staircase.

"What is this, an alcohol testing evening?" Rachel asked.

"Not even close," Sirius answered, "This my friends, is a game of true courage, intelligence and cunning. We usually only play with the four of us and seen as you three don't know the rules you'll have to pair up with one of us. It's easier to learn as you go along."

Lily noticed that James still had his arm lazily slung around her shoulders as though it had fallen asleep there, and felt the familiar sensation his hand had come into contact with her chin that morning. He led her over to a spot on the floor near the table and sat her down with him; clearly she was going to be his partner whether she wanted to or not. And she did want to. As Lily removed her jacket, Rachel made her way to Remus and Jess to Sirius.

"Tough luck mate," James said to Peter, tenderly patting him on the back with a hope of reassuring him.

Lily was getting nervous about what they would have to do next. She wasn't sure that this game was very safe, never mind legal.

"What now?" she asked nervously.

"Now," Sirius continued, "we pick a location, a teacher and a student, come up with the most ridiculous scenario for the three together and the couple, or person," he directed at Peter, "that has the best one gets to nominate another team to taste one of these nasty concoctions," he concluded holding up one of the bottles placed on the table.

The game went on for an hour and it was nearing on ten o'clock. Lily and James were doing impressively well, with their joined intelligence and quick wit. They'd won on the round where Malfoy, McGonagall and the Kitchens were linked, suggesting that McGonagall had turned Malfoy into a cake because she was so fed up with him missing her classes and then eaten him. Another round involved linking Dumbledore, Sirius and the Whomping Willow. They'd suggested that Sirius had transfigured himself into Dumbledore in order to have a conversation with the willow which, having been tamed by Dumbledore seemed to speak to him. The reason for Sirius to do this was of course to control the tree into beating up all of the Slytherins as they walked past. However, the pair did lose on the linking of Snape, Lily and a broom cupboard where both of them were reluctant to come up with any sort of risqué scenario. Sirius on the other hand was not and did in fact win the round but he got a slap around the face from Lily for his suggestion and a deadly glare from James. Because of this they had to drink a vile of vomit potion and spent the next five minutes being sick in the dorms en suite.

At around 10:15 the girls started to have a conversation of their own whilst the guys were deep in discussions about, Lily supposed, Remus's fast looming werewolf transformation.

"That was one of the most disgusting games I have ever played," Rachel said.

"I know," Jess agreed I'm going to keep finding bogies hanging out of my nose for the next 3 hours."

Lily laughed, "It doesn't seem to be bothering Sirius too much. Rach, has the itching stopped yet?"

"It has on the majority of my body but my feet are in agony," she relied in discomfort.

As Jess and Rachel were discussing whose turn it was to clean their dorm room Lily thought she'd try and find out what the guys were discussing. She carefully leant her head towards them and started to focus in on James's speech.

"I know how I felt," he said to Sirius.

Sirius looked frustrated and confused, "But I thought you loved her. Six years is too long to just suddenly stop. What do you want from her?"

James didn't even hesitate before announcing, "I want Lily Evans as nothing more than a friend. That's the way it is and always will be."

The statement was so conclusive; so blunt. Lily couldn't explain the wave emotions that passed through her. There was relief for the stress he'd caused her for the past six years but there was also a stronger emotion. And that was sadness. She couldn't believe what had happened. For the first time in her life she wanted James Potter and this time it was in the exact same way that he wanted her. Or had wanted her. It had taken her six years to realise this and now it was too late. The feeling was so intense that being in such close proximity to the object of the affection was too much and she had to leave the room as she began to hyperventilate.

* * *

Rachel had noticed Lily was missing and had gone to join her on the boy's landing. She saw Lily sobbing slightly as she tried to catch her breath.

"What is it Lily? What's wrong?" she asked with concern startlingly evident.

Lily glanced towards her as though to check that it was the person she thought it was. She inhaled deeply and then managed to squeeze out, "I…I just…realized how stupid…I've been."

"What do you mean?"

"I heard…Ja…James say that he wants to be my friend," she admitted.

Rachel looked baffled, "And that's bad why?"

"It's bad," Lily took a deep breath, "because I want him to want me like he used to do."

Rachel looked startled more so than she had in first year when her wand had exploded in front of her face.

"You what?" she said. "Why? You hated all of that attention and now you're sad it's gone. Is it just because you miss not having something that has been so familiar to you for so long?" Rachel asked.

"No. It's not that," Lily explained. "I think…that maybe…I'm in love with him."

"Say again," Rachel commanded, clearly shocked again.

"I love James Potter," Lily admitted, more to herself than to Rachel. "Oh no!"

When the two girls had talked it out further they went back inside to find Jess had finally got what she wanted. Sirius Black's lips covering her own. Rachel tried to hide a smirk and looked over at Lily but she didn't seem to care less. Rachel could understand- she'd lost something she'd realised too late to be important to her. How would she be supportive to her friend without revealing that it was all her own fault for not paying attention to James earlier?

Peter was reading a book on the rise of a past wizard gone evil which Lily thought was particularly morbid. Thank God he'd been stopped. If something like that was ever to happen in her time she didn't know ho she'd react.

Lily and Rachel slowly made their way back to Remus and James. James looked up as they approached and looked at Lily to see her pale face and distantly focused eyes. She looked stunned about something.

"Lils, are you alright?" he asked concerned.

"Er…yeah I'll be fine. I just feel a little ill," she lied. Or was it a lie because she didn't feel like her normal self? Is this what a broken heart felt like? Is this what James had suffered for the past six years?

"Is there anything I can do?" he asked her.

Lily looked at him and couldn't stand being so close to him any longer, "No thank you. I just need to sleep it out."

"Yeah of course," he agreed.

Rachel backed Lily up before her resolve to lie stopped. Lily had never been the best liar, always willing to share her opinions with anyone, no matter how offensive. "I'll take her back to her room."

James looked reluctant to let them leave but said, "Yeah, of course. Good idea."

"Jess, come on. Get you're face off of Sirius, we're taking Lily to bed to get some rest."

Lily glanced back at James just before she left the dorm and mouthed the word 'sorry' but for what he wasn't sure. She couldn't help it if she were ill.

* * *

Rachel and Jess took Lily back to their dorm after she'd requested not to be on her own. They had a spare bed, where Lily had slept before becoming Head girl, so she could always stay there when she wanted.

The girls were all lying in their beds when Lily finally spoke for the first time since they'd got back, "What do I do?" she asked.

Rachel had explained the situation to Jess, who had reacted to the news in a similar way. "I don't know," Rachel began, "it seems to be that James is happier now than he ever was when he was trying to attach himself to you romantically,"

"Yeah," Jess agreed, "and he hadn't made a move on you for the past two weeks. Maybe he just wants to be friends now."

Lily thought about this and said, "I've been so stupid. I want to be his friend too but I can't help but see him as more than that and it just hurts so much that I've ruined every chance I ever had. And boy was there a lot of them. I've never felt like this before." As she spoke a tear gently rolled down her cheek.

"Well maybe friends are all you ever can be now," Jess said.

Lily looked at them both, "I can't accept that."

"Well you might have to. James clearly still thinks you're not interested. Maybe he does still like you but he's settling for a friendship because he thinks that's all he can have. But don't get your hopes up. If you really want him then you'll have to fight for him- repay the favour. Just make sure that you're sure of your feelings fist. I don't want you to get hurt," Rachel stated.

"It's my turn to grovel, huh?" she said.

"Uh huh," Rachel and Jess said in unison, but they weren't laughing this time.

AN: Hi to my readers…if you're out there. I'm sorry about the lack of updates. I do actually have this story planned for a further three chapters, and that's only the first term of three, but time has been lacking lately. I've had exams- practical and writer, a pantomime to perform in and coursework coming in by the shed load. Anyway, if you've been waiting for my update thank you so much for being so patient and actually coming back to read this new chapter. Please read and review. I'm feeling a little neglected by the lack of reviews I've received as I don't know if my work is actually being read. Even if you want to criticise this fanfic I'd appreciate a response. Review please! It won't take you 30 seconds. Plus, it will encourage me to hurry the next chapter along.


	7. Heartbreak in Hogwarts

Disclaimer: I own nothing that appears in this chapter, or previous chapters, that in any way relates to the Harry Potter series or franchise. All of that comes from the genius mind of JK Rowling. Keep it up JK. Anyway, here is the next installement of 'Disastrous Mayhem' that all you readers have WhiteCamellia to thank for as she reviewed my fic, which in turn reminded me to get my ass into gear and post chapter 6. So thank you WhiteCamellia for reviewing and i'm glad that you like what you've read so far. This chapter is dedicated to you and i hope you keep reading. Ifanyone can think of any improvements to my fic please let me know. This chapter was particularly difficult for me to write and i found it very challenging. I hope i've done two of my favourite HP characters justice. It was meant to include the Ball (which you'll read about in something like 10 seconds) but i couldn't muster the energy to do it right now so its going to get it's very own chapter a.s.a.p. Please review and now, all that's left to say is 'Enjoy'!

Heartbreak in Hogwarts

"As you know, the Hogwarts Annual Ball for upper school students is taking place in two weeks," McGonagall informed James and Lily, "As Head boy and Head girl it comes down to you to organise any them, or style of the evening, planning everything, from the decorations and food to the music and entertainment."

"Ok. I've already got lots of ideas," Lily confirmed her understanding enthusiastically.

"Mr too," James said, a little less enthusiastically. 'Balls clearly weren't his thing,' Lily thought, but she'd soon put a stop to that when she'd persuaded him to go with her.

Ever since Lily had realised her true feelings for James and admitted them to Jess and Rachel, the three of them had been trying to come up with ways for Lily to show James how she'd changed. So far winning back James Potter's heart was hard and Lily had been trying to show him how she felt for a week. But she couldn't give up, she just couldn't! After all, hadn't James pursued her for six whole years? She could at least return the favour for six weeks.

"Well, I guess that's all I need to let you know," McGonagall concluded, "you may go."

Lily and James had been in McGonagall's office for just under half an hour, discussing their current responsibilities and any new ones that they'd see added onto the usual.

"Yes Professor," the two replied in unison as they got up and left the room.

In the corridor, James spoke up for the first time in about forty minutes. He'd been unusually quiet during the meeting and Lily was beginning to worry that something was bothering him.

"So," he began, "do you want to get together tonight to start planning?"

Lily didn't need much time to answer. They really needed to get started on this event as soon as possible as the fact that it meant spending more time with James was just an added bonus. "Yes. That would be good," she replied.

"I'll meet you at 7:30 then, after dinner," James informed her. "I'm practicing Quidditch with the team after classes so it'll have to wait until then."

"That's fine. Don't worry James I can wait a few hours to get started. For once in my life I can stop and relax a little. Or at least go and get one of my many essays done in the library," she added. Then she remembered something that Jess and Rachel had encouraged her to try, in order to subtly let James know how she now felt about him. Just as he was about to say goodbye she grabbed his arm and stepped a little closer to him until she had to look up into his face. "Don't tire yourself out James," she stated in a flirtatious manner, "I want your full attention tonight."

James didn't look shocked by her flirtatious behaviour at all. On the contrary, he appeared to be quite comfortable with the situation as though he'd missed the whole thing.

"I won't Lils," he answered.

What more could she do to make it obvious other than flat out kiss him on the lips. Lily was becoming frustrated by her failing methods, but clearly James believed that the way Lily and he interacted now was just what it were like to be friends with Lily Evans. How wrong he was.

Lily decided to give up for the time being and work on expressing herself again when she was alone with James later.

"I'll see you then, then," Lily said smiling.

"Yeah see you…then," James grinned.

And then they both walked off in opposite directions.

* * *

Lily had been waiting anxiously in the Head's dorm for James to arrive from Quidditch practice. He'd already missed dinner. It was 7:45 and there was still no sign of him.

7:46, 7:47, 7:48. 'Oh,' this was ridiculous. One month ago Lily would have been annoyed at James' terrible punctuality but right now she was nothing but worried.

7:49 and James finally entered. He had clearly not had a shower yet, smelling strongly of dry mud and perspiration.

"Oh James! Are you ok?" Lily cried running towards and searching him for any wounds.

"I'm fine," James laughed a little, "I'm sorry I'm late for our meeting. Quidditch over ran a little. The team really need to get back into shape. As you can probably see, things got a little mucky. I didn't have time for a shower."

"Urgh!" Lily began as she started to slap James' arm. "I thought you'd got beaten up or something. Don't ever scare me like that again," she concluded with another slap at his arm.

James grabbed her wrists and held them tightly in his hands. "I'm sorry ok, I really am, but I'm alright. Don't worry about me."

Lily looked into his eyes for what seemed like forever. She contemplated just telling him that she loved him but thought better of it almost immediately.

"Ok," she agreed.

James looked down at her sincerely and said, "Good." He brought his hand up and nudged the base of her chin gently upwards. "Don't look so serious," he commanded.

Lily gave him a small smile before continuing. "Let's get started then."

"What? Like this?" he asked. "I better have a shower first."

"Nuh huh James, I've waited long enough so let's get started," Lily said.

"You don't mind that I'm dirty and smelly?" James asked with a grin.

Lily paused and inspected him. In all honesty, the smell of him at that moment was oddly attractive, but she didn't want to tell him that. "Ok, just go and wash your hands."

"Alright then," James continued. "As long you don't mind."

Whilst he was washing his hands, Lily filled a small bowl with warm water and found a spare rag. She took it to a small table in front of the living room's couch and sat down. James returned soon afterwards and sat next to her.

James noticed the water and said, "What's that for?"

"Your face," Lily stated simply.

"You never told me to wash my face," James said.

"That's because **I'm** going to do it whilst **we** plan the ball," Lily explained.

This time James did look a bit shocked by her behaviour and said, "What?"

"I figured that this way, we can plan and get you clean at the same time," Lily reasoned. 'Plus this may help me to show you how I feel,' she silently added.

"Erm…ok," he replied, uncertainly.

She carefully soaked the rag as he removed his mud-splattered glasses. He turned to make his face more accessible for her and she reached up her left arm to brush back his fringe, whilst she wiped his brow with the cloth in her right.

"So I was thinking," she began, "that we should have some sort of 'ice' theme. We can get ice sculptures and things like that. There could be a dress code of black and white."

"That sounds good," James added, tilting his head back so that she could wipe the mud away from his neck. "Maybe we could have snowflake decorations too," James added.

"Yes. That would be nice. I like snow flakes," Lily agreed. "What food can we have?"

The two continued planning until all the arrangements for the ball were agreed upon.

Lily had finished cleaning James' face and turned to thank him for his input and effort tonight. "Thanks James. You've contributed a lot tonight." As she said this she gently placed her hands on his knee and gave it a small squeeze. What she was expecting him to do she didn't know. He looked a little startled and then gently lifted he hands in his own.

"Thanks for being my friend Lils. I couldn't imagine us as anything else now."

He gently squeezed her hands and set them in her own lap.

'Oh wow. How embarrassing,' Lily thought as she inwardly cringed. 'It's so obvious he doesn't love me anymore'. "Me too," she agreed verbally, trying to hide her disappointment.

"You better get a proper shower now," Lily suggested.

James looked at her strangely and then rose. Obviously he'd missed something. He gently laid a hand on her shoulder before softly saying, "Goodnight."

* * *

"It didn't work," Lily told Jess and Rachel at breakfast the next morning.

"Are you sure you made it obvious?" Jess asked.

"Jess, the only way I could have been _more_ obvious is if I'd pounced on him and kissed him to within an inch of his life."

"Maybe you should try that one," Rachel teased, with a smirk on her face.

Lily rolled her eyes and responded, "You are so not funny."

The dance was coming up in only a few weeks and the girls knew that to get dates that they actually wanted they'd have to ask a boy to take them soon.

"I don't know what to do now. I mean, James made it pretty obvious that he doesn't love me anymore," Lily complained.

"And how exactly did he do that?" Rachel inquired.

Lily sighed before answering. "He told me that he couldn't imagine us as anything more than friends."

"Well maybe he just meant that he couldn't imagine you as you were. Remember, sworn enemies?" Jess suggested.

"I don't think so. What he said sounded pretty literal," Lily mumbled, leaning her chin on her fist.

"You've got to ask him," Rachel said.

Lily looked puzzled. "Ask him what?" she questioned.

"To the dance of course; as your date. There is no way he'll misunderstand your feelings then," Rachel elaborated.

"Of course," Jess added. "It's the perfect plan."

"Erm. I don't know," Lily said looking dubious.

"Oh please," Rach said getting impatient with her, "just ask him!"

"Ok, ok, I will. Tonight. After rounds." 'Please don't break my heart James,' she silently thought.

* * *

That had got to be one of the dullest Potion lessons of the year. Lily had just cleared up her things and left the dungeon when she heard someone call her name down the corridor. She turned to see who it was.

"Oh hi Roger," she responded.

Roger McAbrams was a Ravenclaw prefect in his final year at Hogwarts too. He was a very attractive boy of a similar height to James, but unlike James Potter he had fair hair and dazzling pale blue eyes.

"Did you want something?" she asked.

"Oh, yes." Roger seemed to have forgotten himself for a moment but quickly recovered himself, "I heard about some of your plans for the ball and they sound really great. Everyone's really excited about it. Even the first, second and third years and they're not even invited. I think some of them may even try to sneak in."

Lily giggled a little. Not because she found him particularly funny but because she was flattered by his interest in her input into the planning of the biggest (well second biggest) ball of the year. "Thank you," she replied, "but it wasn't all down to me. James was a big help."

"I can't really believe that of Potter but if you say so then I'll believe you." Roger continued, "Anyway, I was wondering if you had a date for the ball yet, and if not, whether you would like to go with me."

Lily was a bit shocked by his request. She did her best to handle the situation. "Oh I would have loved to but I'm probably, well hopefully…er…I already have a date," she stumbled. 'Or at least I soon will have'. "I'm really sorry. Things aren't definite though and if, for some reason, they don't work out I'd love to go with you."

"That's ok. Don't worry about it." He looked devastated. Lily never knew he liked her so much. "I know how it is. A pretty girl always gets asked to a dance almost immediately. That's why I thought I'd ask so soon, but obviously it wasn't soon enough," he concluded. "If, for some reason, your current plans fall through, let me now," he added.

"Will do," Lily answered. "Bye Roger. And once again, I'm sorry."

"And once again," Roger replied, "don't worry about it. I'll see you around." And with that he smiled, turned and walked away.

* * *

Currently doing their rounds, Lily felt that James was unusually quiet. She'd had the perfect opportunity, several times, to ask him to be her date and could put it off no longer.

"James," she began, which seemed to startle him out of whatever thoughts absorbed him.

"Huh?" he asked.

Lily laughed a little. "Don't look so worried. I won't bite you." She paused. "I just wanted to ask you something." 'Ok,' she took another, deeper breath. And then a couple more. "We've been getting on really well recently and I love spending time with you, so I was wondering whether you'd be my date to the ball. I mean, we have to open it together with the first dance, so why not spend the rest of the evening together?" she concluded and then added, "So will you be? My date, I mean?" Gosh she was nervous.

"Oh crap!" James answered.

"Oh c-r-a-p what?" Lily pushed.

James looked worried and regretful at the same time. "I'm sorry Lils," he explained, "I'm already going with someone else."

'Was that a kick in the stomach?' Lily thought. 'It sure felt like one.'

Noticing her silence James continued, "I presumed you'd want to go with a guy you really liked and not just a good friend. So I decided to ask Laura Craven. She's a Gryffindor and loves Quidditch so we'll have plenty to talk about whilst we prank the Slytherins." James laughed at his attempt to lighten the mood. "She's nice don't you think," he asked her, "I mean she'd talented at sports and smart but she'd really nice as well. Right?"

"She's great James. I'm sure you'll have fun together."

"If you're worried about finding a date," he stated sincerely, "don't be. You could get any guy you wanted to go with you."

'Obviously not,' she thought. She realised she'd been thinking too much lately. Nodding, she attempted to display some sort of smile to prevent revealing her true feelings of sickening butterflies in the stomach area and a heart that was close to ceasing to beat.

"But you like her?" James inquired further.

Lily rolled her eyes, more teasingly than angrily, and said, "Yes James, she's lovely. And very lucky. Now let's finish up and then we can get to bed."

"Ok," he agreed. "I'll race you back…"

And what could she do but chase him…again!

* * *

She couldn't tell her friends how she'd failed again. It was better to just move on. Just move on and see if Roger was still available to take her. It was obvious that he liked her a lot and although he was no James Potter, he was very handsome, intelligent and caring. James had moved on with his life and it was time for her to do the same. He has chased her for six years and she couldn't do it for nine days, never mine six weeks as planned. She was such a coward.

Lily couldn't repay him those six years. It was too hard; to be in love and receive nothing in return. How could James have not hated her for breaking his heart so frequently? What she currently felt was unbearable and what James had suffered was undoubtedly worse. She couldn't begin to imagine how he'd survived.

Lily had to admit to herself- she'd fallen. And she'd fallen hard. It was time to find Roger.

It didn't take her long. He was catching up on a Defence Against the Dark Arts essay in the library.

"Hi," she said coyly.

"Oh hi," Roger replied enthusiastically.

"So it fell through," Lily explained her presence. "Are you still available to be my date? I know I must seem awful for putting you through this. And although it may seem like you're my second choice I don't think of you that way. I really do want to go with you and I'm glad things worked out this way because I think we could have a great time."

"Yes…yes and me too," Roger replied.

"Excellent," she stated. Well at least it sounded like she meant it.

* * *

The ball came around more quickly then anyone expected. The teachers were struggling to teach anyone from the upper years on the afternoon on the day of the ball. Lily and James had worked all through the previous two nights to get everything just right and happy with how everything looked then left the great hall to go and get ready for their dates. Lily was still attending with Roger, and James with Laura. It was nice to spend a good few hours sorting the great hall out. Ever since he'd confessed to be taking Laura to the ball she'd seen less of him and he'd seen more of Laura. The fact that she'd been avoiding him when possible had nothing to do with it, of course. They'd be getting the next terms assignment to look over once the ball was over and Lily couldn't wait to get involved in something else that would partially take her mind off James. Now all she had to do was get through the evening that she'd been most looking forward to and most dreading for the past three weeks.

She headed up to her room to get dressed having just finished up her last lesson for the day, and doing the last venue check with James, therefore being quite eager to do so. She started with a nice, relaxing, warm shower and then did her hair. She decided to pull it up onto the top of her head, revealing her slender neck, piece by piece. To hold everything up there she cast a small spell which pinned each hair in place by use of six black and white butterflies, which clung in place as commanded. Her make-up was next and, fitting in with the colour scheme, Lily decided to powder her face with a little white powder which she enhanced by the use of a pale grey eye shadow (to contrast with her emerald eyes), deep black eyeliner and black mascara. Her nails she painted white with tiny black butterfly images imprinted and her toe nails she lightly glazed in a shimmering, silver polish.

All that remained was her dress. She'd designed it herself and made it out of a plain white one that was hanging in her cupboard at home, not having been used for years. She'd got her mother to post it to her the week before so that she could make a start on it. It was beautiful and Lily couldn't wait to see what it looked like when she put it on. It was long and puffed out ever so slightly. A black sash encircled the waist of the perfect, white silk of the gown and broke off in places to hang down in thin, slender strips. The neck line was curved to reveal a little cleavage and the straps were thin to show off her shoulders. Once on the dress seemed even more perfect than she'd imagined it would. After all, it was made for her.

The look was finalised by two-inch, black, strapped heels that added the much needed height she'd require, not only dancing with Roger, but opening the whole ball with a dance with James. 'Oh I have to dance with James. Ok…just relax Lily. You'll get through this. Just think of Roger. Roger, Roger, Roger, Roger, there you go, Roger, Roger, I wonder what James is wearing. I bet he'll look gorgeous. Oh, shoot!'

Looking in the mirror it dawned on her just how pretty she looked, which both pleased and terrified her. She desperately wanted James to fall in love with her again but she didn't want Roger to get too attached. It wasn't like she could be his girlfriend the way she felt at the moment. Lily's anxieties about the evening began to kick in again. How she'd manage to hide her pain when James was with Laura she didn't know. She could barely do it when she was alone with him.

'Time to face the music and dance,' she thought and then headed down to the entrance hall to meet Roger.


	8. Harder to Breathe

Ch 7- "Beauty on the Fire"

The Ball was almost ready to commence. Lily had met a speechless Roger in time to open the doors to the entrance hall for all the excited upper school students to rush through.

Shehad just taken her seat next to Roger when Professor Dumbledore rose from his seat to welcome everyone.

"Welcome, welcome everyone to another Winter Ball at Hogwarts. I hope you'll all join me in applauding the success of our Head boy and girl- Mr Potter and Miss Evans- on planning such a wonderful occasion. I especially like the snowflakes," he said, with a wink as one slid down his face, and then continued, "All that remains to be said is enjoy yourself. Now, will Mr Potter and Miss Evans please open the Ball with the first dance?"

Lily knew it was coming and yet she still couldn't control her nerves. Her heart felt like it was beating a mile a minute, her palms were sweaty and she was almost certain that if she attempted to speak she'd produce no sound.

"Knock 'em dead," Roger urged.

She walked towards James and he took her hand. "Let's do this," she said.

An orchestra were positioned in the left of the hall on a risen platform. They began to play a slow, melodic waltz which Lily and James had briefly practiced a week ago.

James cautiously placed his hand on the small of her back and grabbed her free hand in his. He then pulled her gently towards him until their hips were almost touching. In fact, Lily was sure that they would have been if it wasn't for her dress and the protective layer it provided.

Clearly James could feel her increasingly moist palms because he said, "Don't be so nervous. You're doing great. This waltzing stuff was designed for us. We're doing fine."

"It's not that," she argued.

James looked slightly puzzled. "Then what is it?" he inquired.

Lily looked up at him. He was still so much taller then she was, even with the two-inch heels she was wearing. His gaze was concentrated, expressing his concern for her and making it clear that he was adamant about getting an answer from her.

"It's just I…," she began. "I feel so vulnerable with everyone looking at us like this. I can't help but feel uncomfortable."

James smiled a genuine smile which conveyed so many emotions; the clearest being relief that she was only nervous because people were watching them. As long as it wasn't something he'd done.

"Why do you care? You look beautiful. Did I tell you already because, if I didn't, I meant to?" James asked.

"No," Lily replied briefly and somewhat distantly.

James paused as he looked at her softly. "Well… you do," he confirmed.

Lily gazed into his hazel eyes to see the tiniest flecks of gold as she replied, "Thank you."

The first chorus ended and four further couples entered the dance floor (especially created for the occasion, of course) to join in with the opening waltz.

"James?" Lily began.

He still hadn't taken his eyes off hers. "Yes?"

Lily was nervous but she new she had to let him know how deeply she felt for him. "I need to tell you something, but not here."

James leaned a little closer before saying in a whisper, "What is it Lils?"

She glanced around nervously before leaning into his gaze as their waltz began to slow. "I feel differently about something important and I…I just… I need you to…"

"Shh," James interrupted, "never mind. Just forget about it. Surely silence between us should be enough when words are clearly not."

It was as if some magnetic pull existed between the two and would not stop until they were touching in a more intimate way. His head began to drop as hers began to rise and their noses softly touched. Although surrounded by waltzing couples, it was as though they were the only people there in a world that was made for them and only them.

Just as their eyelids drifted shut and their mouths parted an inch from the destination they longed for, there was an eruption of applause. James and Lily quickly broke apart, rather embarrassed at what had almost happened.

The music for the second waltz had just started up as James saw Roger approaching from the other side of the hall. "I'm so sorry," he said to Lily quickly. "I better get back to Laura; my date."

"Of course, and I to Roger; my date," Lily retorted.

"Have a nice night Lils. You deserve to after all the effort you put into this."

"Ditto," she responded, remarkably calm compared to the way she felt inside.

With that they turned to face in the opposite directions- James going back to Laura and Lily back to Roger. What a night this was going to be. If Lily wasn't mistaken, what had happened wasn't all in her head. She had definitely felt something extraordinary in James' arms and she was sure that he'd felt something too. But then why had he apologised? How she would manage to offer Roger her full attention when all she really wanted to do was rush up to James and kiss him, she didn't know.

* * *

The banquet arrived on tables at around 10:00 p.m. So far, Lily had danced with Roger a good six times and the rest of the time she'd spent checking up on her friends and their dates, found out a bit about Roger's family (they seemed nice people) and thought about James continuously.

Having a break form discussing anything remotely personal with Roger was a blessing when the food did arrive. Most of it did fit into the 'ice' theme. There was ice cream, naturally, cake with ice cream layers instead of the usual cream, iced doughnuts, snowflake shaped crisps and jelly- with chocolate snow flakes inside. However, there was also the usual- butter beer, an assortment of vegetables, chicken legs, creamed potatoes and so on. The list really was endless. If students didn't like what was on offer they could even order something entirely different and the school's house elves would have it on their plates in a record of five minutes. How they managed it for every single dish, Lily couldn't imagine.

She decided to eat no-nonsense food but made sure it was food that would fill her up too. All the strenuous work she'd put in recently had left her famished. It was also important that she ate things that wouldn't completely ruin her dress if spilt. A simple stains spell wouldn't cause her any problems but she really didn't have the energy to be bothered doing one.

Whilst finishing her ice cream, she looked across the hall to see James eating and heartily laughing at something Laura had said. She looked around further to see Clara smiling- even she was happy, for once. 'Why can't I be?' Lily pondered. 'Roger is a great guy.'

"Once our meals are sufficiently digested, do you want to dance again Lily?" Roger asked, interrupting her thoughts.

"I'd love to," she replied, then added, "but would you mind if I just went to talk to Jess and Rachel quickly?"

"Of course not," he confirmed.

"Thanks. I'll be right back."

She walked around her table and walked towards Jess and Rachel who were sat together with their dates (who were surprisingly not Remus and Sirius- they'd not even shown up). Glancing quickly in James' direction as she crossed the room, she saw Laura whispering something in his earat whichhe was smiling. A smile that she used to think might only be for her. But maybe it was for her, as he was looking right at her as she crossed the room. Turning her attention back to her best friends, she continued to their table.

"Heya Lils," Jess said.

"Hi," Rachel seconded the greeting.

"Hi," Lily replied. "Can I have a quick word with you both, in the entrance hall?"

"Now?" Rach inquired.

"I know it's inconvenient but I really need your advice," Lily continued.

"Ok we'll be right out," Jess answered.

* * *

Lily had finally told Jess and Rachel about her failure to get James to be her date a couple of days after he'd declined her offer. They were sympathetic, of course, but didn't feel the disappointment like she did. For some reason they still believed that things would work out. Lily just felt like her world had ended. The dance with James certainly hadn't helped things.

"Hold up, hold up," Jess commanded Lily, "tell us again what happened. But in English this time."

"Whilst we were dancing," Lily repeated, "I started to get nervous around him and he noticed straight away. He wouldn't even believe me when I said that it was just because I didn't enjoy having the eyes of half the school boring into my skull."

"Yeah right, as if that would ever bother you. You could have thought of a more convincing lie," Jess laughed.

"Haha, very funny," Lily responded, her sarcasm, rather than her usuallight-hearted responses to Jess' jokes,making it clear to Jess that she was in no mood to jest.

"Continue," Rachel urged.

"Ok, but no more comments," she commanded.

"No more comments," Jess agreed.

"So then all the other couples came onto the dance floor but I barely even noticed them. I decided to tell him the truth about my being in love with him, but I couldn't find the words."

"Oh Lils," Rach said sympathetically.

She continued, "And he shushed me gently and pretty much implied that whatever it was it didn't matter. He didn't need to know. He said 'words were not enough'."

"What did he mean by that?" Jess asked.

"I really don't know," Lily said impatiently. "I thought he understood what I wanted to say but now I'm not so sure. We got really close until are noses were touching and then, just before we kissed, the music stopped, the applause kicked in and we broke apart."

"That's good though isn't it?" Rachel inquired. "I mean, now you know that he loves you too."

"But that's just the thing," Lily responded. "I don't know. In fact, I'm even more certain he doesn't. He must have been trying to comfort me and I got the wrong impression. After we broke apart he apologised for what almost happened. Apologised!"

"Well maybe that's because he felt nervous that you didn't like him in a romantic way and so was protecting himself from rejection," Rachel suggested.

"I don't think so," Lily said. "He seemed really uncomfortable." She paused.

Rachel took the opportunity to offer her opinion. "Look Lily, I love you and everything but you're being ridiculous. Ask yourself something. 'Do you love James?' If the answer is yes then, 'Are you willing to be nothing more than friends?' If the answer is no, then get your ass over to James and tell him the truth. The guy loved you for over six years. Those sorts of feelings don't just disappear."

"I can't. It would hurt too much if he rejected me," Lily cried.

"Isn't it hurting already? At least then you'd know," Jess stated.

Lily silently answered 'yes' and asked, "What about Roger? I can't just dump him again. He'll hate me."

"Look, you know what we think you should do. Roger may hate you if you dump him again, but you'll hate yourself if you don't," Rachel said.

"Just think about it Lil," Jess concluded. And so she did.

* * *

Lily had been dancing with Roger for the last 15 minutes. She was having fun and so was he, if the huge smile dominating his face was anything to go by. However, the fact that James and Laura appeared to be having an equally good time at the other end of the dance floor soon put a downer on her mood…again. The music was now being performed by a rock band and a number of fast, energetic songs had been played for the last half hour.

Lily noticed the way that James held Laura in his arms and began to flush at the memory of the feelings he'd stirred within her, when holding her like that.

"Lily? Lily!" Roger shouted over the music.

"Are you ok?" he asked once he'd finally got her attention.

Lily, slightly on edge, answered, "I'm perfect."

"Really, because I thought it was kind of weird that you seem to have an obsession with the far side of the hall."

Lily blushed a little. "No I don't," she declared, a bit defensively.

Roger stopped dancing and took her hand, leading her back to their seats. "It was James wasn't it?" he asked.

"What was James?" she inquired, trying to look more innocent than she was.

"Who you originally wanted to be you date," he elaborated.

Lily neither agreed nor disagreed. She didn't have to. The only response he received was a slight flicker in her eyes that explained more than any words ever could.

"I thought so. So, why did he decline? He must have been hit in the head with a stupid spell or something," Roger simply said.

Lily could see that there was no way she could hide it from him now. "I…I'm so sorry," she began. "Again, I am so, so sorry, I thought I could handle things and move on. I like you. You're a really nice guy. A great guy and I wish I could really like you so that we could have a shot at a relationship. I just can't and I feel terrible because of it."

"You know Lily," Roger interrupted, "I am a nice guy and although I'm disappointed, I'm going to act like one. I've had the best time tonight and I understand that there can never be another night like this one. But I want you to know, that I'll treasure this night my whole life. Thank you for sharing it with me."

Lily was surprised at his kind words and they only made her feel worse about her behaviour.

"No. Thank _you_ for tonight and thank you for understanding. I really do wish things were different," she concluded.

"Me too, but there not," he responded, with the tiniest of smiles; a smile of resignation perhaps.

Lily looked over to where James and Laura were dancing and they'd just stopped. She looked at Roger who had followed her gaze.

"Go and get him then," he said. "He's a fool if he doesn't want you."

Lily smiled at him and quickly kissed him on the cheek. She then rushed over to where James had been to tell him, once and for all, that she loved him.

* * *

James and Laura were no where in sight when she reached the area she'd last seen them in. She decided to head into the main entrance to see if they'd gone outside for some reason. Just as she reached the archway leading out, Jess and Rachel jumped in front of her.

"Lily wait!" Jess shouted.

Rachel quickly recovered the situation after Jess' crazy outburst. "Um…we need to ask you about something over there," she said quickly, grabbing Lily's arm to steer her in the opposite direction.

"Can it wait? I've got to see James immediately," Lily complained.

"No it can't," Jess replied, grabbing Lily's other arm.

Lily wrenched her arms out of her friends' grips, reclaiming them as her own. "Do you know where he is?"

"No," they responded too quickly.

Lily looked at them suspiciously. "What do you know that I don't?"

Rachel stated, "He's in the castle grounds but..."

"I've got to see him right now. I've put it off long enough and he needs to know how I feel," Lily concluded.

"Don't go out there Lils, please!" Jess shouted.

"I have to," she replied.

"But...but he's on a date," Rachel reminded her.

"I don't care," Lily responded exhaustively.

* * *

She'd ignored her friends' advice which meant that she was bound to end up getting hurt. But she already hurt too much to bear. What did it matter if she told James she loved him and got rejected? She didn't believe it was possible to feel any worse.

She'd been walking outside the castle for five minutes and was approaching the rose gardens which were located next to the school's green houses. In the distance were two distinct figures. James Potter's broad physique and unruly hair were identifiable almost immediately and Laura's blue gown appeared to shimmer in the moonlight.

'Right Lily. I know you could get hurt and Laura could get hurt, but keeping these feelings bottled up isn't helping anyone; least of all yourself. Walk over there. Ask to speak to him privately and then _tell_ him.'

She took possibly the deepest breath in her life and mentally forced her legs to start moving towards the pair.

At 200 metres away she saw Laura lift her hand to hold James' hand tightly. Then she appeared to say something and James turned to face her, giving his full attention. But Lily couldn't make out what she'd said. At 100 metres away her world ended. Laura had pushed herself onto her toes and gently pressed her lips against James'. She had kissed him, but worse than that, he had and was kissing her back. Lily wasn't sure whether she'd physically stopped breathing or whether it just felt like it. It was certainly harder to breathe.

A small sound escaped her lips unwillingly, verbalising her shock, as she remained frozen on the spot. James abruptly lifted his head and his eyes met hers.

"Lily?" he said as though uncertain she was really there.

She couldn't breathe and she couldn't move. But she had to do both to survive. Taking a huge breath and forcing her legs to respond to the desperate signals her brain was sending them, she turned and ran as fast as she could towards the castle.

James' calls of "Lily!" fell on deaf ears, simply getting lost in the gentle breeze.

All Lily could do was keep reminding herself to breathe. Her eyes were blurred by pools of tears and her cheeks felt damp to touch. She realised that she'd been crying. The only objective that occupied her mind was to reach her dorm room and lock herself in as soon as physically possible.

On reaching her room, Lily dropped to the floor, after closing the door, as her knees finally gave up on her. She'd never found it so difficult to breathe. It was as though her body was willing her to die and at that moment she wanted to give in, but she didn't. The loudest, most desperate, strangled cry finally erupted from her throat as though it had been longing to do so forever. The feeling of release that accompanied it helped her deal with the pain ever so slightly. The pain was inside of her and she was letting it out to remove the strengthening pressure. Giving into the darkness her world now contained, Lily realised that there was a feeling of pain worse than how she'd felt previously and this was it. How naïve she had been. That feeling of pain stemmed from a loss of hope.

All that she could hear through her muffled sobs was the fireworks exploding within the grounds into the night sky, signalling the end of the Ball.

AN: Wow. Remarkably this chapter was a lot easier to write than the last, hance the reason why it's up so soon. It's also a lot longer than i expected it to be so i hope i haven't gone on too much. The next chapter might not be up for a while so i hope this one keeps you going. Once again i'd just like to request a few reviews letting me know what you think- likes and dislikes etc. I'm going to have to start begging soon aren't i, lol. Anyway, i hope you enjoyed chapter 7 (which was meant to be part of chapter 6 but never mind :) ). Thanks for reading.

VIP x


	9. Torn

Disclaimer: All magical references,characters and themes evident in this story come from or are inspired by the mind of JK Rowling, one very talented author with a genious imagination.

Chapter 8 – 'Torn'

Lily didn't know how long she had been sitting alone in the Quidditch stands today. As usual her friends thought she was in the library doing extra studying but the truth was that she was sulking about losing James. And why shouldn't she? It was almost definitely her constant ignorance to James in the past that had led him to the belief that she didn't care for him and resulted in his decision to 'move on'. They were friends now, much better than being enemies, which Lily couldn't deny. But she wanted more. She wanted him so much that she almost thought it would be more accurate to describe the intense feeling she felt as need.

Jess and Rachel had noticed a difference in Lily over the week since the night of the ball and were fairly confident that they knew why she was so upset. However, they'd thought it best to let her deal with her grief alone. That was how Lily had conveniently found herself sat alone in the Quidditch stands whenever she needed to- fortunately with no unpleasant or awkward interruptions.

The weather was particularly wet as Lily looked out across the Hogwarts grounds, just existing along side it as time carried on. In fact, the rain was welcome to Lily as it helped to disguise her falling tears, whilst the wind drowned out her muffled sobs.

She thought about the work she was falling behind on. She thought about the lack of time she was spending with her friends. She was distancing herself from everyone. She thought about how much she missed her parents when she needed comforting, like she so desperately did now. She thought about her failure to complete specific head girl duties, such as evening rounds. She was missing them right now, deciding she'd much rather be sat outside watching the stars overhead behind heavy cloud patches. Most of all, she thought about James.

She missed his company but it was so much easier avoiding him than being around him. The painful memory of seeing James in the arms of another girl had lessened over the past week and Lily had resigned herself to feeling as numb as possible when she thought about the matter. It was just easier that way.

Things had been a little awkward between them since that night. Once James had found her at breakfast the next morning, Lily had explained to him that she was just looking for him because she was upset after receiving some bad news from home, but she'd stressed that everything was fine now. James seemed to have bought it, although to her it seemed blatantly obvious that she had been lying to him.

Whether he and Laura was a couple now Lily wasn't sure. If they were then Lily was surprised she didn't see them together more often. She had overheard him mention to Sirius how Laura was taking things too fast one night in the common room. His exact words had been, "I like her. She's a great girl but we barely know each other Padfoot. I mean, that kiss at the ball was totally unexpected. I didn't think she'd be so…well, forward," he'd concluded.

Sirius had just replied, "Use and lose my friend. It's the only way to go if you don't want commitment."

James had looked slightly offended. "We're not all like you Sirius," he retorted. "I want to be with a girl who really means something to me."

"And Laura doesn't?" Sirius asked.

"Not yet, no. But maybe she will soon."

After overhearing this Lily had initially felt oddly optimistic. 'Maybe James doesn't want to be with her'. Unfortunately this thought was followed by a second, 'He doesn't want to be with me either though.'

After coming to such a conclusion she had made every effort to avoid James when she could and it seemed to be working out so far.

Checking the time she realised how late it was and rushed back up to the head's dorm, scrambling quickly into bed before James realised she'd returned.

* * *

The net morning, James and Lily were waiting in McGonagall's office after an early breakfast, to receive their new assignment. Professor McGonagall entered and quickly apologised for being a little late. She explained, "Peeves locked a first year in the dungeons."

"It's not a problem Professor," James said, accepting her apology. Lily just smiled and nodded her head in agreement.

"Well, let's get started then," McGonagall continued. "Your next assignment is to arrange a fund raising event which should aim to raise student morale. As you are probably aware, you-know-who is gaining power rapidly and with the number of recorded murders recently Dumbledore feels that such an event is necessary."

"I agree," Lily said.

James backed her up, "Me too."

"Excellent," McGonagall concluded. "No in-depth planning is required until your return after Christmas break. However, I thought perhaps that you may wish to ponder over things whilst enjoying the holidays."

"We'll do that Professor," James stated.

"I'm sure after the success of the ball you'll have no problems arranging a suitable event."

'Success,' Lily scoffed silently, 'If you say so Professor'.

"Very well, you may go," she commanded them.

Lily and James left her office silently and set off for their first lesson of the day- Potions.

* * *

Lily had only made it through half of the day before she had to speak to James again.

"Hey Lily," he shouted.

She stopped in her tracks. 'Oh no, there is no escape,' Lily thought. "Hi James," she answered. "Did you want something?"

"Yeah, I thought you might want to get together to discuss our assignment from McGonagall," he suggested.

"Erm…I don't…know James," Lily replied awkwardly.

James continued regardless of her obvious discomfort. Having been ignored for a week he'd finally given up on politeness. "You know, we've hardly spent any time together this week and I miss that. Did I do something wrong?"

"No you didn't do anything wrong. I just feel like a break from…head's duties and that's all. We worked solidly to get the ball prepared and now I just need to relax before Christmas. Can you understand that?"

He answered her question with one of his own, and his eyebrows rose, "Is that why I've been doing rounds alone recently?"

"Sorry about that," she replied, blushing deeply, "I've just been really exhausted lately."

"Are you sure that's all?" he urged.

"Yes," she answered rather quickly.

"Ok then," James said. "But if I did do something wrong, something I haven't realised was wrong, then I'm sorry."

"James," Lily responded, starting to get annoyed. "You didn't do anything wrong!"

And with that she walked away.

* * *

James was sat in the Gryffindor common room with the Marauders. They'd been planning their latest prank but James' heart wasn't in it. The weather was still wet reflecting his mood. He had to tell the guys what had happened with Lily before her burst. And so he did.

"And she just acted like everything was fine," he concluded.

"So Evans is still ignoring you?" Sirius inquired.

"Yes and no," James stated simply, "she acts like she isn't when I confront her about it but I can't help feeling she's still avoiding me. Maybe I did do something wrong."

"What could you have done, mate? Sirius asked. "You've been treating her like royalty ever since you became _friends_."

"Then what is it?" James demanded. He didn't really expect his friends to know the answer but needed to release all of his pent up frustration.

However, Remus answered, "Maybe it had something to do with what happened at the ball, with you and Laura. Correct me if I'm wrong, but Lily was acting fine around you before then. Perhaps she didn't like what she saw."

"You mean when she caught Laura kissing me?" James asked.

"That's exactly what I mean," Remus confirmed.

"But I asked her why she'd been upset and come to find me. She said she'd had bad news from home but things were sorted now," James began. He was becoming more and more restless having vacated the comfy armchair he'd been lounging in and beginning to pace the room.

Remus continued, "Think about it James. She may have lied to you."

"No," James shouted, receiving a few startled looks from other Gryffindor students sat in the common room. "She wouldn't do that."

"If you ask me, it's no big loo," Peter added viscously.

"Well no one's asking you," James said bluntly, his volume rising.

"It's amazing the lengths people will go to protect their breaking heart," Remus expanded on his argument. "If she's grown to love you over the past few months, which I believe she has, seeing you kissing another girl can't have been easy for her."

James couldn't believe this. He shook his head in denial, looking at Sirius for support, but he remained unusually quiet. "Why would she…she never…for six years. I just…I can't believe that's the reason."

Remus looked almost pityingly at James who had never appeared more distressed or unsure of himself. Now he knew what it was like to have Lily in his life, to really have Lily in his life, he couldn't bare to lose her.

"You can't believe that someone, even Lily, would lie to protect themselves from further harm, if they truly believe that no good could come from being honest?"

"No," James answered. But if he was truthful himself he could understand perfectly. Hadn't he been lying ever since he became _friends_ with Lily? He'd been telling the Marauders how comfortable he was with remaining friends with Lily and how his past feelings for her didn't exist anymore. That had been a lie. He loved her more, now that he knew her properly, than he ever had over his first six years at Hogwarts.

He could do nothing but inwardly agree with Remus. Someone could lie if it was in order to protect themselves and others. Maybe Lily was one of those people. But she didn't love him, she couldn't! 'No,' he thought, 'there's something else, some other reason that she's ignoring me.'

* * *

Lily was walking back to the Gryffindor common room to hang out with Jess and Rachel for a while. She'd just turned a corner to find Severus Snape and Lucius Malfoy throwing unpleasant jinxes at Clara. Defenceless and howling in pain, Clara was fumbling in her pockets for her own wand, whilst Malfoy and his cronies howled with laughter.

"Stop it. Stop that!" Lily bellowed as she hurried over to help Clara to her feet.

"Stay out of this mudblood," Malfoy commanded her.

"Or what?" Lily retorted. "You can't treat people this way."

"Watch me," he said, firing another jinx at Clara which resulted in her nose bleeding heavily.

"Stop it!" Lily screamed, reaching for her own wand. One of Malfoy's cronies noticed what she was doing too soon and twisted her wand hand behind her back, her wand abandoned on the floor.

"Oh I'm sorry Miss Evans. I'm neglecting you." His voice was cold and harsh. "Don't worry, I've got plenty where those came from," he joked. Turning to Snape he said, "Severus, clean up."

"Yes, of course," Snape replied as he pointed his wand at Clara and shouted, "Obliviate."

Lucius Malfoy turned his attention back to Lily, the only witness remaining.

"It's a pity really," he began.

"A pity?" Lily interjected in a voice she hoped sounded calm.

"Yes. That such a pretty thing," his eyes glowed as they wandered leisurely over her body, "should be tainted by such filthy blood."

"You cold bas-"

"Don't raise your voice at me," Malfoy shouted. "You're beneath me you filthy little mudblood."

"James was right about you," Lily stated. "You really are an evil piece of –"

"Well where's Potter now when you need him. He clearly doesn't care much for you does he? And why should he as a pure blood wizard. Your kind is only really good for one thing."

Lily reacted almost instantaneously before she suffered a similar or worse fate to Clara, who was currently regaining her balance looking slightly bewildered. Lily kneed Malfoy in the groin, commanded Clara to run to Madam Pomfrey to get medical assistance, and then grabbed her wand, shooting reams of dizzying spells at Malfoy's gang members.

Then she ran as fast as she could to the common room.

* * *

Upon entering the common room Lily was immediately showered with demands from Jess and Rachel.

"Where have you been?"

"What took you so long?"

"I…I got," Lily started. It wasn't until then, when she attempted to speak, that she realised how shaken up she was. It wasn't that she was afraid of Malfoy. Not usually anyway. But the way in which he'd had her cornered with intentions that were hardly going to be honourable, no wand and no help, was more than most witches could face.

"…caught in a spot of trouble," she concluded.

"Are you ok? You look a little pale?" Rachel inquired.

Lily stared blankly for a second and then focused her gaze on Rachel's worried eyes. "I'm alright I guess," she answered.

"Come on, sit down," Jess commanded her.

The two girls directed Lily over to a comfortable arm chair next to where the Marauders were seated and had remained since James' outburst ten minutes earlier. James had calmed down considerably since then but seeing the look of horror on Lily's face he immediately became anxious again.

"Lily. Lily!"

He got no response. "Is she ok?" he asked.

"We don't know yet," Jess responded in an agitated way.

"Well, what happened?" James inquired further.

"We don't know yet!" Rachel replied.

James looked a little annoyed but accepted that the girls had no further information. "Ok, ok."

He turned to Lily and whispered her name gently. Kneeling in front of her as she stared into space, he lifted his hands to her face and rested them against her cheeks, turning her gaze to him.

"What is it? What happened to you?" he asked gently, softly stroking her cheek with his right thumb.

It took Lily a moment to realise what exactly had happened, where she was and whose hands were holding her face. As soon as she registered that those strong hands belonged to James Potter she withdrew herself quickly and said sharply, "Don't worry about me James. I've got it under control."

James looked startled by her words but backed off. Lily looked to Jess and Rach and said, "Look guys, I'm feeling much better now. I just got held up because Malfoy and his entourage were terrorising poor Clara again. When I intervened he got a little nasty," she explained.

"Did he hurt you?" James interrogated her.

"Calm down mate," Sirius quickly responded, dragging James further away from Lily.

"He tried," Lily mumbled.

James was furious. Observing James' reaction Remus said, "This is not good."

"That's it," James stated as he rose from his chair. "I'm going to teach Malfoy a lesson once and for all."

"No," Lily disagreed, rising from the chair to stand next to him. "I'll sort it out myself!"

The last thing she wanted was for James to get hurt. She was fairly confident that Lucius wouldn't really hurt her. He was all talk. The only reason Clara had been a victim was because she was an easy target whereas Lily wasn't. She was a talented witch, especially when it came to defensive spells. Surely Malfoy would be aware of her ability and be reluctant to start a fight with her. That wouldn't stop him when it came to James. James may be equally able as Lily but she was certain that Malfoy would take any excuse he could to try and hurt James.

"But I want to-"

"Look James. It's not your job to protect me," she began. "I can do that myself. I have Jess and Rach for backup and I'm sure the whole thing will blow over soon anyway."

"What if it doesn't?" James asked, forcing himself to sound polite.

"If it doesn't then I'll deal with it. It changes nothing. I'm not your responsibility. I'll handle it _alone_," Lily stressed.

"Lil, I'm going to help you whether you want me to or not. I'm your friend and friends help each other."

Lily looked moved for a split second and then hardened her features in am attempt to disguise her true feelings. "That's just it," she explained, "maybe we aren't anymore."

"Wh…what?" he spluttered.

Lily looked close to tears but she'd never let them fall. "We're not getting along anymore, you must notice it. There is no _friendship_ and there never can be."

James stared blankly at her, the Marauders remained silent and the girls grabbed Lily's arms, quickly dragging her up to their dorm room.

* * *

"What was all that about?" Jess demanded once the three were shut in her dorm room alone.

"Yeah," Rachel added, "why are you attacking James?"

Because," Lily answered shortly.

"Lil," Rachel started carefully, "we realise how difficult it must have been for you to see James with another girl. We do."

Jess nodded her head whilst Lily stared blankly at the floot.

"I know James hasn't always behaved in the best way," Jess continued, "but he didn't deserve that."

At this Lily lifted her head sharply and really lost her temper. "Since when did you two care so much about James? You used to find him just as annoying as I did. What changed?" she spat.

"We realised how happy he made you when you were friends," Rachel answered truthfully.

Lily dropped to the floor, finally allowing her tears to fall freely. "Yeah, well things change," Lily stated in a whisper.

"They don't have to," Jess said crouching down to hold Lily's hand. "You can still be friends."

"No we can't. I can't do it," Lily replied exasperatedly.

"Lily, please," Rachel urged her.

"It…hurts…too much," Lily cried. "I don't know how he did it."

"What?" Jess asked.

"Handled this feeling of unrequited love, or whatever it is," she answered.

"We know," Rachel said reassuringly.

Lily paused from crying to inhale a deep, well-needed breath. She expressed what she wanted, "I just wish I didn't have to be around him so often."

"Well, I'm sorry Lils, but with head's duties that's pretty much impossible."

As Jess and Rachel stared at Lily to see her reaction to this piece of no doubt unwanted information they noticed a change. Her scrunched up features, which had been reflecting her inner pain, relaxed and her green eyes widened and shone through her tears.

"What is it now?" Jess urged her; sure that Lily had something important to say.

"I just made a decision that's all," Lily replied quietly.

"Well what was it?"

* * *

"So that's why I needed to see you so urgently Professor. I'm sorry if my problems will cause you any problems."

"Yes Miss Evans, thank you for your concern for my work load. Of course you need not worry about me," Dumbledore continued, "there is already a suitable candidate to take your place. All I ask for is your complete assurance that this is indeed what you want. Also, I'd advise you to let Mr Potter know before this is finalised. Come back and see me again at the weekend."

"Yes Professor, I will," Lily said. She paused and then continued, "This is what I want sir, or rather what I need. I'm sorry but I _need_ to resign from my position as head girl."

**AN**: I'm not overly satisfied with this chapter but here it is anyway. I struggled towrite this one a little and think it shows. Hopefully you'll still find something to enjoy in it. Please read and review. There's only one more chapter planned for this third of the story. Thanks. VIP x

P.S. The title written at the start of the last chapter. I had second thoughts and changed it to 'Harder to Breathe'. I'm sorry if it caused any confusion.


	10. Beauty on Fire

Disclaimer- All of the potterverse characters and magical themes in this storybelong to J K Rowling, without whom i couldn't have had so much fun writing this fanfic. Go Jo!

AN: Ok, so this is the final chapter. I'm so sorry that it has taken solong to write this concluding paragraph. It's been a long, jam-packedfew months, where i've had much to do and to adjust to, and i've been waiting for the perfect inspiration to complete this. I hope this final chapter lives up to your expectations. I know it hasn't met mine fully, but i thought it was about time that i delivered on my promise to finish this. So here it is. Please read the story as a whole now and give me some positive feedback.Your encouragement may result in me writingof asequel to this fic :). This chapter is deditacted to my Grandma and to Chemz- are you happy now? Haha. Thanks to everyone who has read this fanfic and found some enjoyment in it.

_Chapter 9- Beauty on Fire._

"What the hell are you thinking, Lily?" James demanded.

It was now late in the evening, on the day that Lily had announced her resignation as head girl. In a week, Alesha Mignon would take up the role. She was a cold-hearted, Slytherin prefect, and Lucius Malfoy's on/off girlfriend.

"I will not let you do this," James continued. "Not only do I refuse to work with a Slytherin like Alesha, but you're good at the job, Lils. Why quit?"

Lily paused for thought before responding. "I can't function under these conditions, James. I can't be around you 24/7. I need space and as long as I'm living in these dorms and carrying all of these Head's responsibilities with you, how can I ever get away?"

"So you're reverting back to disliking me again?" James asked. "I should have known that our friendship was too good to be true. You know, it's a real shame, because I thought we could have been great friends. Best friends if you'd only give us a shot."

"I did give you a shot!" Lily confessed, angrily, "And it didn't work. Things are different between us now James, but they're not better. I care more about you now then I ever did before and that makes things harder- too hard."

"What do you mean?" he asked. He was clearly confused. How could her caring for him and his friendship be a bad thing?

"Let's just call it a personality clash or something," Lily simply stated.

"Well, I disagree," he retorted. "I think out personalities compliment each other."

"Well then, I guess we'll have to agree to disagree."

James sighed in frustration and headed off to his dorm room. Lily on the other hand, sighed out of relief; Relief that he hadn't sussed out exactly why she was pushing him away- the fact that he was perfect for her and she couldn't have him.

* * *

The next morning, things were no less awkward. Sat in the Great Hall for breakfast, James moodily sipped his pumpkin juice. Lily was still avoiding him, having gone down for breakfast before he left his bedroom, presumably in an attempt to avoid any more confrontations. His looked over to her, to see that she had barely eaten anything, and the joke that Rachel was telling didn't appear to be funny at all to Lily. Looking towards Malfoy, his soft stare turned to an angry glare. What he would do to make that scum pay for what he'd tried to do to Lily, for what he might one day try again. Trying to forget his anger he turned back to Lily and continued to stare. 

"Cut it out Prongs," Remus said. "Staring at her won't change anything. And stop scowling at Malfoy. Remember what Lily said and don't get involved."

"I know, I know," James replied grumpily.

Sirius piped up at this moment and said, "Seriously mate, let it go. Evans said you shouldn't get involved. However, she said no such thing to me. If you want I can teach Malfoy a lesson for you."

James thought about this proposition for a few seconds and responded. "Nah, it's ok Padfoot. Don't bother. If you did something to him, Lily would somehow link it back to me."

"Well if you change your mind…"

"…I know where to find you?" James finished.

"Yep," Sirius confirmed.

"I think I'm just going to talk to her again and make her answer me truthfully. There's something she isn't telling me and I need to know what it is."

"Good luck James," Remus said sympathetically. "You're going to need it. Getting Evans to open up when she doesn't want to is like getting blood out of a stone. Luckily you're both as stubborn as each other."

* * *

Lily was quietly studying that evening when James returned from his Quidditch practice. It wasn't long until the Christmas holidays and she wanted to make sure that she was well on top of her homework. Unlike the last time she'd encountered James after his Quidditch practice, he was freshly showered and prepared to find out the truth behind her hostile behaviour. Surprised by his sudden appearance she gathered her books together and prepared to head to her room. 

"Wait," James commanded.

Lily stopped suddenly in her tracks and turned slowly to face him.

"I've got a lot to do, James. Can it wait?" she asked awkwardly.

James looked annoyed. "No, it can't wait," he responded.

Worried, she quickly said, "Well it will have to."

She began to walk briskly towards her doorway, longing for the sanctuary of her bedroom. Noticing this, James ran ahead of her, effectively blocking the doorway. Lily just sighed and rolled her eyes.

"Fine. Have it your way. What do you want?" she asked.

"I want to know why," James stated.

"Why what?"

"Why you really don't want to talk to me anymore," James elaborated.

Lily was getting annoyed now herself. "I told you before," she began, "It's a personality clash."

"One so severe that we can't even work together anymore?" he asked.

"Pretty much, yes," Lily answered.

"Well, you know what?" James started, "I disagree. And maybe I should be the one who's resigning. Why should you have to do it? After all, you're the perfect head girl. Why should the school suffer because our 'personalities clash'?"

"What? James, don't be so stupid. You're better at this head stuff than even I am. The school will be much better off with you then me. I'll resign," Lily said, trying to stay calm.

"Will the school be better off giving Alesha more power in this school then she already has as a prefect?" James retorted.

Lily sighed and said, "Maybe not. But she can't be that bad. Maybe she'll change under your positive influence, or something. Anyway, students respect you more than they do her. She can't possibly cause that many problems."

James continued, "You'd be surprised what she's capable of. We all know what her boyfriend is capable of. Look what he nearly did to you."

At the memory of Lucius' attack on her, Lily began to tense up a little, tears forming in her eyes.

"I thought I told you to drop it, James. I'm ok. He didn't do anything," she explained.

The look in James' eyes was almost possessive and he frowned in concern. "But do you think that will stop him from coming after you again?" he asked.

Just thinking of Lucius Malfoy leering at her and grabbing her again made her visibly shake.

"I'm sorry, I didn't mean to scare you. I just want to protect you. Why won't you accept my help?" James urged.

"Because I don't think I need it. I can protect myself," Lily argued.

James saw that his attempts to show concern for her were pushing her further away and so decided to head back to his earlier attempts to persuade her to stay on as head girl.

"Listen," he began, "you're perfect as head girl, whether you can see it or not, and this school needs you."

Lily started to blush at James' compliments. It was true that she loved her role in the school, but not at the expense of James' position as head boy.

"Maybe I am good at the job but your so confident all of the time. You make being head boy look easy you're so good at it."

"Well, you're really smart. Without you we couldn't have generated half of the ideas that we did for the Christmas Ball," he replied.

Lily looked annoyed. "Yeah…well that was all down to your creativity and passion to make it the best," she paused, "the best night ever."

Once again tears had gathered in her eyes as she remembered James and Laura kissing, the image that had imprinted in her mind ever since that night.

"No, you're wrong again. It was your imagination and your hard work that got that night to be…to be perfect. Look, I'm not going to stay in the head position if you're not with me. I'm not going to work with Alesha. Do you really want to subject the school to that girl?"

"I have to do this, James," she responded.

Again, she attempted to walk away from him but before she could make it two paces he grabbed her wrist into the tight grip of his left hand.

"Will you quit trying to walk away from me?" James demanded.

Lily looked a little unnerved but managed to respond, "Let go of my arm!"

"Promise to listen to what I've got to say," he commanded.

"Ok," she agreed and he loosened his grip slightly before dropping her arm.

"Lily, the school love you. You're so strong and compassionate. They need you. Alesha is vermin and she'll be the worst head girl this school has ever seen. Why settle for the worst when we can have the best? I'll resign," he concluded again.

Lily was really trying to hold back her tears. It was heartbreaking to witness James' attempts to selflessly help her out. She really didn't deserve his affections and couldn't let him do this for her. After all, it was her own fault that she couldn't be around him anymore. She was the one who had pushed him away for so many years, the one who had hurt him countless times, treating him like a bug in her hair.

"You're the popular one, James, and not to mention brave. You're a born leader and that's what this school needs. You see the best in me when often there's nothing good to see. I may have made some positive change in this school since I became head girl, but that's only because I'm working with you. You're the reason we work so well together," she finished.

James looked a little confused at Lily's conflicting arguments.

"You say we can't be friends or see each other as much as we do at the moment, because we 'clash'," he began, "but then you make out that I'm the best head boy the school's ever had…"

"James…"

"Please, let me finish," he continued, "If I think you make the best head girl then how are we different. How could we possibly clash? You just admitted how well we work together, yourself."

"Well, you must have misunderstood me then," Lily retorted. "I simply meant that you make me the best head girl."

With that said, she tried to make a run for it. James, not missing a trick, made every effort to stop her reaching her door. He managed to block her with his arms, his hands pressed firmly against the wall behind her, to either side of her face. The first tear slid down Lily's cheek as she sighed in frustration. She leaned back against the wall, preparing for his next attack.

"Look, Lily. I know that you've been keeping something from me. What's the real reason you don't want to be around me anymore? What did I do?" he inquired sincerely.

Lily let a small sob escape her mouth as a few more tears flowed from her eyelids.

"It's you…it's you who doesn't want to be around me anymore. You were my friend, we did almost everything together, and then you…you and Laura. And I…" she stopped unable to say anymore.

"I was only with Laura because I thought…I mean…I couldn't be around you all of the time. I was…well, I was worried that I'd do something. Something that would spoil our friendship and I didn't want that. I was worried that you'd realise I still had feelings for you. It looks as though I managed to spoil it anyway. I'm sorry," he explained.

Lily sighed deeply and looked at him, slightly bewildered. He had still liked her when he'd been with Laura. He'd broken it off with Laura in pursuit of salvaging his friendship with her, but she hadn't allowed herself to hope, until this moment, that perhaps he still liked her, as he once had. Under his penetrating gaze she started to feel uncomfortably warm. The feeling dramatically increased when he whispered, "Why Lily? Why'd you push me away?"

She slowly let her eyelids close as more tears fell, and swallowed deeply.

Keeping her eyes tightly shut she whispered back, "Because I love you."

A few seconds passed and then she allowed her eyes to open. James had the most surprised look on his face, tears having appeared in his own eyes. His gaze moved from her eyes to her lips. He gently moved one palm off the wall and placed it against the soft skin of her right cheek.

Before Lily could even register what was happening, James moved in for the sweetest, most tender kiss she had ever experienced; a kiss that left her feeling weak at the knees; a kiss that conveyed so much love and understanding; a kiss to beat all kisses, and as Lily hoped, one that would mark the start of many more.

THE END X


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